True Love Conquers All
by Fall Down Again Bella
Summary: Sequel to "Phoenix" Bella and Edward are starting their senior year but what happens when Bella gets kidnapped? Can Edward find her and will their love survive? Rated M for violence, swearing and possible lemons. All human, read and review!
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Bella's POV

_7 months later…(September)_

The start of yet another school year. Not just your average school year though. Senior year. Basically the best year of high school. And I got to spend that best year, with the best boyfriend and best friend a girl could ask for. Edward Cullen.

I ran across the street to the Cullen's house. Alice had already picked out my first day of school outfit, and she wouldn't let me see it until this morning. So I ran across the street in the already blazing sun and knocked on the door. It was answered instantly and I felt myself being swept up in a pair of arms. I grinned.

"Good morning love," he whispered in my ear.

"Good morning Edward." He quickly kissed my lips before removing his arms from around me.

"Alice told me to send you right upstairs. Apparently she needs all morning to get you ready," he said with an eye roll. He smiled my favorite crooked grin and I kissed him one last time before running up the stairs into Alice's room. I noticed how the house seemed so empty without Emmett's usual obnoxiousness, but him and Rosalie were off at college. It was far away enough that they lived at school, but close enough that they could visit every weekend. She was waiting for me holding a black and white checkered dress. It had a black belt under the bust line and short sleeves. (_A/N: Picture on profile_) She paired it with a pair of red peep toed shoes with a wedge heel. She smiled up at me.

"These will look gorgeous on you. Go get dressed!" She handed me the dress and pushed me into the bathroom. I changed quickly and slip on the shoes. When I came out, Alice was ready with a curling iron and piles of make-up. She quickly shoved me down in a chair.

"Alice come on!" I complained. She shushed me.

"Just sit still," she instructed. I knew resistance was futile. So I sat still as she attacked me with hair products and make-up brushes. After about 45 minutes she announced that I was done. When she allowed me to look in the mirror I liked the results. My hair was in ringlet curls all tousled and messy around my face. My eye shadow was smoky and made my dark eyes shine. Every blemish on my face was covered up perfectly. I smiled at myself.

"Thanks Alice," I said. Sure the getting ready part was torture but the result was always beautiful.

"Go downstairs with Edward," she instructed. "And we'll see you at school." Ever since Alice had gotten a yellow Porsche for her birthday she had wanted to drive everywhere. She drove Jasper to school in it every morning while I stayed with Edward in his silver Volvo.

"See you at school," I sang as I ran from the room. I practically skipped down the stairs, which of course caused me to trip on the bottom. I braced myself for the impact that never came. Instead I found two pairs of strong arms holding me up.

"Is it possible for you to go up or down a flight of stairs without tripping?" Edward asked, shaking his head in mock frustration. He lifted me up and pulled me into his arm.

"Well if you're always there to catch me then I don't really mind," I said, kissing him gently. Every time I kissed Edward I still felt the thrill and magic that I had the first time I kissed him, so long ago in a game of truth or dare. I smiled at the memory.

"Let's get to school. You don't want to be late on the first day," Edward said quietly.

"How about we both stay home? I can think of a few things to do," I said, lightly tracing his chest muscles with my fingernail. He chuckled.

"I would love to but I think the first day is kind of important," he said. I pouted and he laughed again. Edward and I hadn't done very much, physically at least. We both agreed that we wanted our first time to be special, especially since we were losing our virginity to each other. He took me by the hand and pulled me outside to the Volvo. I saw Alice zip by us, honking the horn of her flashy car. I waved and she just let out a whoop of joy and drove a bit faster until she was gone. Edward opened the Volvo door for me and I slid in.

"Ready for school?" I asked.

"I'm excited I must admit. I think I already have senioritis," he said with a smile.

"I've had senioritis since the end of junior year," I replied and we both laughed. The car ride to school was short. We didn't live too far away but with the heat, we didn't really like to walk. When we reached the school, Edward opened my door for me again and I grabbed his hand as we walked into the main hallway. Alice and Jasper were waiting for us and we all chatted until the first bell rang. Edward gave me a quick kiss before hurrying off with Alice to their homeroom.

Homeroom was boring since I didn't have any of my friends with me. I got my schedule and walked to my first period class, history. I grinned when I saw Edward sitting on a desk, looking like a god, grinning the crooked grin that I loved. I ran over to him and we compared schedules. We were in mostly the same classes, except not my fourth period Italian or my third period English. We had lunch in between those two classes though, but it would still seem long. English went by quickly, just passing out books and such. Before I knew it my first two classes were over and I was (unwillingly) separating from Edward. But my pout turned into a smile when I saw Alice waiting for me. She instantly started chattering.

"I am so glad you're in this class cause Jasper isn't! Jasper and I are in three of the same classes though isn't that great! And oh my God me and you have the same lunch!" she babbled. I grinned at her and shook my head slightly. "Speaking of shopping we should go today after school!"

"We weren't speaking of shopping," I pointed out.

"I know but I was _thinking_ about it," she said. "So will you go?"

"No."

"Please Bella?"

"No."

"Come on Bella!"

"No."

"Bella," she whined. I sighed.

"No Alice. Edward and I are spending the afternoon together." Her perfect pixie face slid into a pout. I sighed and added, "Maybe this weekend." Her face lit up like a firework on the fourth of July.

"Yay! Thanks Bella," she sang. Just then the teacher came in and silenced us.

Alice and I walked to lunch together and slid into a booth that Jasper and Edward were currently occupying. Edward slid his hand around my waist and kissed my cheek. Half the girls in the room eyes me with either jealousy, envy or anger. I pulled out my packed lunch and Edward groaned. I was about to ask him what's so bad about peanut butter and jelly when I saw Lauren Mallory making her way over to us. Well that explains the groan.

"Hello Edward," she said in a brave attempt at seductiveness. "Bella," she sneered.

"Lauren," I replied, my voice cheery, just to annoy her. Lauren was about to open her mouth to say something when Liz made her way over to us. This time I had to suppress a groan. Liz had never gotten over the month she spent with Edward when we were fighting, before we had even gotten together.

"Hello Edward," she said in the same tone Lauren had used. Liz and Lauren had become best friends, since Edward rejected them both so often. It was like their own little "we want to rape Edward Cullen" cult. "Bella, Alice, Jasper," she said rudely. She was still mad at Alice and Jasper too, since they were the ones trying to break up Liz and Edward. I smiled to myself, at the memory of it.

"So Edward," Lauren began. "We know how good you are in English and we wanted to know if you could tutor us. You know, us best friends. We like to do _everything together_." Alice gagged at the implication.

"Um, no, I'm afraid Bella is the only person I will be 'tutoring' for quite some time," Edward said, making air quotes on the word tutoring.

"Well the offer is there. Anytime Edward," Liz said. She licked her lips.

"Um, girlfriend sitting right here," I said, pointing to myself.

"And your scarring his sister for life too," Alice piped up from across the table.

"I think you should leave," Jasper said bluntly.

"Fine," they said in unison, using the same snotty tone. "But this isn't over." And with that, both of them whirled around and headed back to their table. I burst into giggles once they were gone.

"I hate them so very much," Edward sighed.

"And to think you went out with her," I snorted.

"It got you jealous didn't it?" he retorted.

"True," I said thoughtfully. Just then the bell rang, signaling the end of lunch. Edward walked me to my fourth period class, kissing me quickly before half running to his class so he wouldn't be late. I walked into class with a blissful smile on my face.

"Hi Bella!" There goes that smile.

"Hey Mike," I said stiffly.

"How was your summer?" he asked kindly.

"It was wonderful. Edward and I visited my father in Forks. And the Cullen's, Hale's and I all went to Hawaii for a week. Lots of fun," I said quickly. "How was yours?"

"Good. Nowhere near as exciting though. So you still seeing Cullen?" he asked, staring at the floor.

"Yes I'm still seeing Edward. I love him Mike," I said harshly.

"So I guess that means you don't want to go on a date with me this Friday then," he said, his voice dripping sadness.

"That's right," I answered instantly.

"Okay." His shoulders were slumped as he slid into his seat. _What a baby,_ I thought.

Italian dragged since I didn't have Edward or Alice to keep me company, not to mention the longing stares Mike kept giving me. When the bell rang I was exhausted. I walked out to find Edward waiting for me and I threw myself in his arms.

"Can I just say how much I hate Mike Newton?" I mumbled into Edward's chest.

"Can I just say I agree with you whole heartedly?" Edward chuckled. We walked, hand in hand, to our next class.

The rest of the day went by pretty quickly since I had Edward with me. At the end of the school we were standing by our lockers when an announcement came on.

"Will all members of the student council please report to room 104 for a mandatory thirty minute meeting?" it announced. Edward grimaced. He was the class secretary and therefore had to go to all meetings.

"Do I have to go?" he pouted. He looked so sexy when he pouted. I giggled.

"Yes. Go. I'll catch a ride from Alice and Jasper," I said.

"Are you sure? What if they're gone?" he persisted.

"Then I can walk. It'll take me all of ten minutes and I think I can manage not to get lost," I said.

"Bella," Edward began in a warning tone.

"I'm a big girl Edward. I can make it home in one piece," I insisted.

"If they're not here then wait for me," he pleaded.

"No. You can meet me at my house after you're meeting. I love you." I kissed him quickly. "Bye Edward."

"Bye Bella. I love you!" he called at my retreating back. I waved one last time and we went our separate ways.

When I reached the parking lot I saw that Alice's Porsche was gone so I was on my own. I sighed, hitching my white Chanel tote up my arm and made my way on foot. I wish I'd worn better shoes, I thought to myself. I was about halfway home, on a side street when a red Chevy truck drove by. It slowed down near me, coming closer and closer at a snails pace. I sped up, nerves building up in my stomach. But then it was gone and I took a deep breath. I must be getting paranoid, I thought, shaking my head. I turned the next corner and stopped, my eyes widening.

The red truck was parked right there. And the man that was driving was leaning against it, smiling wickedly at me. My breathing came in quick gasps.

"Hey there little lady," he said in a Southern accent. "It's not safe for girls as pretty as you to be out all by your lonesome. Something…bad could happen." His eyes flashed wickedly.

"Get away from me," I said, my voice sounding braver then I felt. He took a step closer to me and I made a break for it, running as fast as I could. I heard his thunderous footsteps behind me. Suddenly a crack in the sidewalk caught the toe of my shoe and I fell onto the ground. I felt a pair of arms grab my waist and start dragging me backwards. I screamed, but my voice had no volume and suddenly a hand was clamped over my mouth.

"This will go much smoother if you're quiet," the man breathed into my ear. I shuddered as his breath hit my ear. It stank of cigarettes. I felt tears sliding down my cheeks as he shoved me into the car. I tried to open the door and run out as he went to the drivers seat but it was locked on the inside.

"Aren't child safety locks just the best?" the man asked, his voice full of mocking laughter. I started sobbing. The windows were up and no one was near by. No one was going to save me.

"Help!" I screamed, as loud as my voice could manage. "Someone please!" But I knew my voice would be muffled by the glass and suddenly a fist came and struck my cheek. It burned where he had hit me and my sobs increased.

"If you're quiet, this will be much easier on you," he said, his voice a growl. "Understand?" I nodded silently. Oh Edward, I thought. I was glad I had told him I loved him before I had left. I wished I could see Alice one last time and Charlie and Renee. I knew the chances of me surviving this were slim to none. And my life was so perfect, everything was right. I didn't even fight when he dragged me from the car and into an apartment building half an hour later. He tossed me in an empty room and locked the door behind us. The room had just a bed in it. The curtains were all drawn and the room was dark. I realized what he was going to do to me and I collapsed onto the floor, sobbing.

"Someone save me please," I begged, more to myself. There was no hope. I was never going to see Edward again.

"No one can save you now little missy," he said as he advanced towards me. "Your mine now."

_A/N: I know, kind of depressing. The next chapter will be in EPOV. This is a sequel to the story Phoenix that I wrote, so if you haven't already, you should probably read that to get some of the references I make. The next chapter should be up soon, please REVIEW!!_


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Edward's POV

"And we were hoping that this year we can make more money in fundraising because last year we had to charge…" I pretty much zoned out after that. These meetings were always so boring. I can never remember why I even ran for class office. All I wanted to do was leave and get to Bella. My Bella, my love. I smiled to myself. I still don't understand how I'm lucky enough to have such an amazing and beautiful girl. She's perfect in every way and she makes me feel whole, complete. And the best part was that she loved me just as much as I love her. I was feeling strangely anxious about her though. I just wanted to get home and make sure she made it back safely. I really hoped that she found Alice and got a ride. I just didn't feel right about her walking.

The half hour dragged. We talked about fundraising and pep rallies and other useless things. When they finally let us go I raced to my car. The whole ride home I found my stomach full of nervous butterflies. I really wanted, no _needed_, to see Bella. Something just felt off and I needed to hold her in my arms before I would believe everything is okay. When I got home, I parked in my driveway. Alice's Porsche was parked in the garage so if Bella got a ride then she would be home. I jogged across the street and knocked on the door. Renee answered.

"Hi Renee is Bella home?" I asked. She looked surprised.

"No. I thought she was at your house. She hasn't been home yet," she answered. My stomach dropped.

"Oh. Maybe she is there, I'll go check," I said instantly. "Goodbye Renee."

"Bye Edward." I ran across the street and burst into the house. I knew there was no logical reason for my panic, but I couldn't help it. I just had a bad feeling something had happened to her.

"Hello?" I called. "Bella? Alice?"

"What?" a voice answered. But not the voice I longed to hear. It was Alice. She was in the kitchen, eating a bowl of ice cream.

"Hey Alice have you seen Bella?" I asked quickly.

"No," she answered. "Not since lunch. Why?"

"Because she left school a half hour ago to walk home and she isn't back yet," I answered. Alice looked somewhat worried, but not nearly as panicked as I was feeling. I just had this gut feeling that something bad happened to Bella, that she needed me, needed my help.

"I'm sure she's fine Edward," Alice said soothingly. "Knowing her she's probably walking really slow so she won't trip." I rolled my eyes. Now was not the time for joking.

"Do you think she's hurt?" I asked. "Maybe she fell and hurt herself?"

"Edward calm down. Is there anywhere else she could've gone?" Alice asked. "Maybe the Hale's?"

"Why would she go there?" I asked, growing more and more annoyed. I mean come on, Rosalie isn't even there.

"I don't know, to talk to Jasper? Let's just go check," she said, hopping up. The two of us raced across the street and banged on their door. Jasper answered.

"What are you-" he began but I cut him off.

"Jasper, is Bella here? Have you seen her?" I asked.

"No I haven't. Why?" he asked.

"She hasn't come home yet. She was going to walk a half hour ago. It's only a ten minute walk Jasper," I said and he seemed surprised at how desperate my voice was.

"Edward chill. She's probably just lost or something. Maybe she tripped," Jasper said.

"If she tripped, she'd still be home Jasper," I said exasperatedly.

"Maybe she broke her arm or something and had to go to the emergency room," he suggested.

"I'll call Carlisle," I said quickly. I pulled out my phone.

"Edward?" he answered, sounding confused. "What's wrong?"

"Has Bella come into the hospital Dad?" I asked.

"No…why is something wrong with her?" he asked, his voice sliding into doctor mode.

"No she just hasn't come home yet. I was worried something might have happened since she was supposed to walk," I replied, frustrated. I didn't want her to be in the hospital but I needed to know where she was. And if she was in the hospital at least she would be safe.

"Well I'll keep an eye out for her," he said. "I'm sure she'll be home soon. She probably got lost."

"Right. Thanks." I hung up, turning to Alice and Jasper. "We have to find her."

"Let's give it an hour or so and see if she gets home," Alice said logically. "Then we can panic. Try calling her." I did but I just reached voicemail. I called again with the same result. I decided to text her. That way if she checked her phone she would know to get back to me, that it was urgent. _Hey love, call me when you get this. I'm home and I don't know where you are. I'm anxious and I need you back here in my arms. I love you, Edward._ I hit send and waited nervously for her to respond. She never did.

Alice, Jasper and I went back to my house. We were all tense and nervous. Suddenly, after a half hour of anxious pacing, there was a knock at the door. I ran over to it. _Please be Bella, please be Bella,_ I begged silently. But it was Renee. Tears were rolling down her face and she looked frantic. I knew it then. Bella was hurt or missing or worse.

"Edward!" she gasped. "It's Bella." That was all I needed to hear. I started shaking and my hands balled into fists. Something was wrong with Bella, she was hurt, I just knew it.

"What happened Renee?" I asked, my voice coming out harsher then I meant it. "Renee what happened?" I asked in a more soothing voice. I took a deep breath.

"I just got a call from the police," she said, her voice depressed. "They got a phone call from a woman who saw…she saw Bella getting dragged into a red Chevy truck by some man!"

Hot anger bubbled up inside of me. I wanted to scream, to yell, to kick something, hit something. I wanted to find this man and kill him. I wanted my Bella back and no one was going to stop me.

"We have to find her!" I roared. Renee jumped backwards, startled. Alice came running up. She was crying but she wrapped her arms around Renee and tried to soothe her. I could tell Alice was much more upset then she was letting on but she was more focused on comforting Renee.

"Go upstairs Edward. Calm down. Then come back," she instructed, her voice steady despite the tears. I nodded. I stomped up the stairs and into my room. I was instantly tearing the room apart. I let out a frustrated yell and began ripping my CD's off of the wall. I needed to let my anger out on something. I started at the beginning of a row and just dragged my arm across it, knocking off every disk that was in my way. Some of the cases broke or popped open when they hit the floor. But I didn't care. CD's were replaceable. Bella wasn't. We needed to find her. Eventually, there was nothing left on the shelves but my floor was covered, barely any room to walk. The disks and cases were just littered on the floor. I took a few deep breaths and walked back downstairs. Renee was sitting with Esme, sobbing.

"I'm sorry for my previous behavior," I said stiffly. "I was…quite angry." Understatement of the year.

"It's fine. I can relate," Renee said with a weak smile.

"Have you heard anything more?" I asked, my voice surprisingly calm, but dead. I needed to hear facts, know what was happening. The more I knew, the more likely I was to find her.

"Well I guess the woman heard a scream from her upstairs bedroom and looked out of her window to see Bella being dragged into a red Chevy truck by a tall, well muscled man in a white t-shirt and jeans. Bella was struggling I guess but by the woman got downstairs to try and help, they were gone. She got the first three letters of the license plate, before it turned a corner. RQK something," she said, clinging to the details like life preservers. Each detail was like a breath of fresh air after being underwater for too long. "She called the police right afterwards."

"Any sight of the truck or of Bella or the man?" I asked rapidly. Renee shook her head.

"They sent out an Amber alert," she responded, pointing across the room to the TV. I turned to the screen for the first time and saw a picture of Bella on the screen. She was smiling and looking so perfect and happy it broke my heart. I wanted to cry but I held the tears back, focusing instead on the blurry words on the screen. _18-year-old Caucasian female. Last seen in Phoenix at her school wearing black and white checkered dress. Seen in a red Chevy truck first three license letters RQK with tall, Caucasian male in white t-shirt and jeans. If any information call 911 or the number below immediately._

Please let them find her, I prayed. Please God let them find her safe.

"We'll need to gather a search party. I'll talk to the neighbors. Renee is going to call Charlie. Edward, you can call Rosalie and Emmett, have them bring their friends from school," Esme instructed quietly. She stood up and ran out the door, already banging on the neighbors doors and telling them what happened. Renee got shakily to her feet to call Charlie. I pulled out my cell phone, dialing Emmett's number.

"Hey Edward! How's my favorite brother?" he answered in his happy, cheerful tone. Such contrast to what I was feeling.

"Emmett," I said, my voice sounding desperate and miserable. "Bella's been kidnapped." I heard something bang then, as Emmett presumably hit something. "We need you to come down with your friends and help us find her. Turn on the TV, it has all the information."

"Shit Edward," he yelled. Emmett was pissed, beyond pissed. "Fuck!"

"I know. I have to call Rosalie. Just get down here as soon as you can," I instructed.

"Right. Bye." We both hung up. I dialed Rosalie's number next.

"Hello?" she answered.

"It's Bella," I said instantly, no hello, no nothing. This was too urgent. "She's been kidnapped."

"What?" Rosalie choked. I could hear her sobbing.

"She's been kidnapped," I repeated. "I need you to come back, help us search for her. I already called Emmett."

"Poor Bella," she sobbed.

"I know Rose. I have to go." I hung up quickly. Renee came back into the room, fresh tears in her eyes.

"Charlie's flying down from Forks," she said softly. "He says to start the search without him." I nodded weakly.

Emmett, Rosalie and a group of about twenty other college guys arrived an hour later. The police were already out searching, and Jasper had to basically hold me down to keep me from going. But we had to wait for Emmett and Rose before we left, it was only fair. Renee and Esme had gone with the police to search and I hated being left behind.

Once they arrived we split up into groups, carloads. Emmett, Alice, Jasper and I all took my Volvo. We drove slowly down each street, scoping out every car and truck, hoping, praying to find her. We searched for hours, driving down every side street in the entire city. Every time I saw a red truck my heart would leap but they were never the right ones. It was almost three in the morning. Alice suggested going home to get some sleep. She said I was in no condition to drive. But I couldn't sleep, even if I tried. I had to find Bella. I got a phone call at about three thirty, from Renee.

"Hello?" I answered.

"Edward they think he took Bella out of the city. We've looked everywhere. They're going to continue the search but I want you to go home and sleep," she said. She wasn't crying anymore. She seemed beyond that.

"I'm not tired. I'll keep looking, I'm fine," I said. I heard Renee take a breath to answer me but she was cut off by a strangled cry, from Alice.

"There it is!" Alice's shriek cut through me like a knife. I saw the car she was pointing at. And sure enough it was a red Chevy truck with license plate RQK5586. I told Renee the address and hung up quickly. I pulled over and sprinted up to the house it was parked in front of. It was old and the paint was peeling off of the walls. The door was unlocked and we opened it silently. Emmett and Jasper were right behind me, ready to fight if we needed to. Alice was crying silently. When we waked inside we saw the floor was covered in dust, except for footprint and two lines that must've been where he dragged Bella. I held my breath to keep from screaming. I followed the footsteps that led to a locked door. Emmett slammed against the door, sending it bursting open and I rushed in. I recognized Bella's figure lying on the bed, but I had no idea if she was dead or alive. There was blood on the blankets and her clothes were torn slightly. I knew what happened and a strangled cry left my throat, tears blinding me. There was a man standing over her and he looked up at me with shocked eyes. All of the sudden my mind went blank and my instincts kicked in. Before I knew what was happening, I attacked him.

_A/N: I know it's kind of short, sorry. I hope you guys are liking this sequel, even though it's darker then the previous story. Keep on REVIEWING!!_


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

_A/N: If you are strongly opposed to rape and violence like that then be careful with this chapter, it does have some details. I'll put a note at the beginning and end of the violent part so you can skip it, if you can't handle it._

Bella's POV

As he made his way to the bed I found myself shutting down. I wanted to fight him off but he was so much bigger, so much stronger then me. He came over and gently caressed my cheek. I was nauseated. I wanted to rip his hand away, but I didn't want him to hit me or hurt me.

"You are a pretty little one," he said in a sickeningly sweet voice. I bit my tongue to keep from talking back. I knew that wouldn't help. No one knew where we were. Edward was probably wondering why I wasn't home yet, but he has no way of knowing. No one knows. I choked back a sob as he slowly trailed his fingers through my hair. I flinched slightly away from his hand and he grabbed a fistful of hair and yanked it. "You like it when I touch you missy, you better like it when I touch you or it will be very bad for you." I saw his eyes rake up and down my body and I shivered slightly, creeped out. "What's your name sweetheart?"

"B-bella," I choked.

"Bella…very fitting. That means beautiful and beautiful you are," he said softly, to himself. "And nicely dressed. Very…flattering." An evil smile crept onto his face as he appraised my body. Tears were streaming down my cheeks. He took another step towards me, lying his body next to mine. I shuddered when his skin made contact with mine. He raised his fist, presumably to hit me and I flinched away when there was suddenly a loud ringing in the air. My cell phone.

"_Our song is the slammin' screen door, sneakin' out late tappin' on your window. When we're on the phone and you talk real slow, cause it's late and your mama don't know,_" it trilled loudly. It was in my bag, next to the bed. The man stood up and looked at it.

"Edward," he said, reading the caller ID. I started sobbing. I was so close, so close to hearing his voice, to saying goodbye. When the ringing stopped, he turned to me. "Who's Edward? You're boyfriend?" I didn't answer him. I refused to let him torment me. Anger flared in his eyes and he slapped me.

"Is Edward your boyfriend?" he growled. I nodded, the tears soothing the burning on my cheek. Then the ring tone went off again. Edward again. Then a different ring tone came on.

"_I can't breath when you talk to me. Can't breath when you touch me. I suffocate when you're away from me, so much love you take from me I'm going out of my mind,_" it sang. I recognized my text message ring tone. The man flipped it open and laughed, an evil, low laugh that reminded me of all the villains in cartoons.

"'Hey love,'" he read, his voice high and mocking. "'Call me when you get this. I'm home and I don't know where you are. I'm anxious and I need you back here in my arms. I love you, Edward.'" I started sobbing.

"I love you too Edward," I sobbed. I knew he couldn't hear me but I had to say it. I was never going to see the man I loved, ever again.

"Aw. Young love. How sweet. Maybe you can pretend that I'm him and it will be more enjoyable," he suggested in a joking tone. He was getting humor from my pain. "Too bad you won't get to see your Edward again. A pity really. And he's so right to feel anxious. Maybe he has some sort of telepathic connection to you. I guess we'll never know, since you're mind won't be working much longer." I felt a stab of fear in my chest. He was going to kill me, he just admitted it. I am going to die. I am going to get raped and then I am going to die.

**(Violence starts here)**

"Please just let me say goodbye," I begged. He laughed in my face and slapped me, hard, across the cheek.

"Of course not Bella. This is so much more fun when I know that I'm hurting others too." He grinned wickedly and climbed onto the bed. He rolled over on top of me. I instinctively tried to push him away. he grabbed my arms and pinned them above my head, punching me in the stomach as he did so. His legs were on top of mine, holding them down. I gasped for air and he rapidly pressed his lips to mine, his tongue darting into my mouth. It felt so wrong, nothing like the spark I felt when I kissed Edward. I felt one of his arms move down to the buttons on my dress. I started sobbing hysterically and I reached up and shoved his hand away. he responded by hitting my head against the headboard. It hurt and I thought I saw some red dripping out of my hair. I had a pounding headache but I still tried to push his hands away. Suddenly, he grabbed one of my arms with both of his and I heard a sickening snap. The pain caught up with me a minute later and I screamed. My wrist was limp, clearly broken. I couldn't even fight him off as he held my one good arm above me.

He reached down to my dress and ripped it open, the buttons scattering across the bed and floor. I tried to cover my exposed flesh but his mouth was moving all over my body and his hands were roughly grabbing my breasts. He squeezed them too hard and I yelled out, knowing he would leave bruises. Tears were rolling down my cheeks at the pain in my wrist and breasts. Suddenly he was off of me. I didn't know or care why I was just relieved. I pulled my wrist to check it out and could tell it was bleeding heavily, bent at the wrong angle. Blood stained the sheets. Suddenly the man was on top of me again. I realized all he had done was remove his clothes.

"Please," I begged. "Please don't." He responded by hitting me again, in the head. I felt warm blood pour from the new wound. The realization of what he was doing suddenly hit me. I mean, I knew what he was doing the whole time, but right as he shoved aside my underwear, ripping it off completely, it really hit me. I wasn't going to be a virgin anymore and I was never going to lose my virginity to Edward. I started sobbing, more hysterical then any other time. He roughly shoved into me and it hurt horribly. I felt so unclean, so dirty as he pushed himself in and out of me. It burned and throbbed and I just wanted him to finish quickly and get off of me. I tried to fight but he kept hitting me, hurting me. Eventually, I held completely still, tears falling freely, wishing that someone, anyone would save me.

He finally finished. He pulled out of me, grinning wickedly. I just couldn't believe what happened. He left the room, leaving me sobbing and bleeding on the blankets.

**(End of violence)**

I let the tears take over once he was gone. I curled into a ball, my whole body throbbing and my wrist felt like it was being stabbed, over and over. I closed my eyes and let sleep wash over me. But not even sleep could numb the pain. My dreams were reenacting what just happened, playing it out in all its gory detail in my mind. I stayed curled up in my ball, trying not to keep my eyes open.

I closed my eyes for a moment, and when I opened them, I was shocked to find I wasn't in the bedroom anymore. I was standing in a brightly lit room but darkness was creeping in the corners, coming closer. It felt like the darkness was pressing in on me from all sides. My head was aching, my skin burning, but as the darkness grew, the pain dulled. I wanted to let the darkness keep coming, the pain was leaving and it felt so nice. I sighed and the darkness was almost complete, the pain almost completely gone. But then a heard something. It was a voice. I looked around, trying to place it. It seemed to be coming from across the room, but the darkness was covering it up. I wanted to run to the voice but with every step the pain came back. I didn't want the pain, but I needed that voice.

"Bella," it whispered. It was a voice I recognized, one I loved so much. Edward's velvet voice called out to me and he was sobbing. "Don't leave me Bella," he begged.

"Please Bella honey. I can't lose you too," another voice said. Renee. "I love you Bella, stay with me." I took a step closer, to the little light that was left. But as I got closer, the pain started to return. I wanted to go back into the darkness, let the numbness take over.

"Bella baby please." Charlie. I hadn't seen him in so long but his voice was saturated with sadness. "I love you. Don't leave me, you're my only baby." I took another step closer and the pain increased. I took a step back and another voice cut into the darkness.

"Don't leave us Bella," a high-pitched voice called. Alice. "We love you too much. Don't go." I wanted to run to her, hold her. But as I got closer, as the darkness faded slightly, the pain came back.

"Come on Bella don't go." It was Emmett. He was sounding more serious and sadder then I ever heard. "Edward would be crushed. We all would."

"Come on Bella, you're life is too good to let go. Don't let go Bella," Rosalie's voice called out.

"Please Bella we all love you." Jasper.

"Don't leave me Bella. I can't live without you." Edward's voice was dripping with anguish and depression.

"But Edward." My voice was barely a whisper but I somehow knew he could hear. "It hurts."

"I know Bella but I'll help you. Just don't leave me." I didn't want to leave Edward. But the pain, it was unbearable. It hurt so much. "I love you Bella."

Those four magical words gave me the power, the strength. I needed Edward, I loved him. I wouldn't leave him. I wouldn't hurt him like that. I ran over to him, even though the pain came back at a crushing level, threatening to bring me to my knees, I somehow made it to him. The darkness was gone; the room was filled with light again. I could see Edward's face. Tears were sliding down his cheeks but he was smiling my favorite crooked grin. Beyond him, I saw Alice and Jasper. They were both crying too, with wide grins on their faces. Renee was beaming; Charlie was next to her, with his crinkly-eyed smile. Emmett was laughing and Rosalie looked relieved, even as the tears poured down her face. Edward held out his arms to me and I melted into his chest.

"I love you," I whispered.

"Thank you for staying with me," he whispered. He kissed me ever so gently. I closed my eyes and melted into it, but when I opened them again, I didn't see the brightly lit room. I was back in the bedroom, on the blood stained sheets.

"Edward," I groaned. My pain was staggering, crushing, but I knew I could make it, at least for now. Edward gave me the strength to live, for now. I would keep fighting, for him.

"Edward isn't here," the man's familiar voice said. I heard him clomp into the room. "He doesn't love you. He can't save you. He didn't help you."

"He loves me," I said, my voice weak with pain. I stayed curled up in a ball and prepared to be hit for talking back or something. The man opened his mouth to speak but there was a sudden banging noise. I heard a strangled cry in the velvet voice I loved. Tears started cascading down my face but they were tears of happiness this time. I suddenly heard another bang and saw Edward jumping on the man. I smiled, closing my eyes and savoring the one thought in my mind: _I am going to live._

_A/N: Okay I know that was kind of intense and gory but I still hope you guys like it. Just to clarify, the darkness is supposed to be like death. She heard the voices of her loved ones though and chose to live with the pain instead of welcoming death. This actually happened to my father. He got into a car accident and he had a dream like this, where he could choose death. But he heard the voices of me and my siblings, of my mother, and he stayed. If you have any questions, review them to me. If not review anyways ) And also I know some people are really unhappy about Bella getting raped but it's crucial to the story. And I'm sorry if you don't like it but I'm a sucker for a happy ending, and this story won't be any different. I encourage you to keep reading even if you don't like what happened to her.  
_


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Edward's POV

Before I knew what was happening, I attacked him. This man, he had hurt my Bella, had beaten her and done who knows what else. And for that he didn't deserve to live. He was so shocked at seeing us in the doorway, he didn't have time to even lift his arms to defend himself. I tackled him to the ground and began hitting every inch of his skin that I could reach.

"You sick bastard!" I yelled. He was bleeding heavily by now. But I couldn't stop. "How could you?"

"Edward man, come on! You'll get arrested." Emmett's voice was loud and slightly afraid. I ignored him. I didn't care if I got arrested as long as this man never saw the light of day again. But suddenly I felt two rock hard arms secure themselves around my wrists. They yanked me back and I fell off of the man. He was unconscious. I didn't struggle against Emmett's grip, I knew he was much stronger then me.

"Bella? Bella are you okay?" I recognized Alice's voice and panic shot through me. "Bella please answer me!" Alice was sobbing. Instantly, horrible thoughts popped into my head. She was dead or near death, I was going to lose her. I ripped my wrists out of Emmett's grasp and whirled around, running to Bella's side. She was bleeding and bruises covered every inch of her skin. Her wrist was clearly broken, bent out of shape. I realized her dress was torn, the buttons ripped off, and I realized what had happened. Hot anger flashed inside of me but I didn't go after him again. This, Bella, was more important.

She had an oddly peaceful smile on her face and I prayed to God that she wasn't welcoming death, that she was fighting, struggling to stay with me. Her eyes were closed and her hair was matted and blood stained. I ripped my shirt off and wrapped it around her head, trying to stop the blood flow.

"Bella, honey, wake up," I begged, my voice saturated with anguish. "Bella? I love you, Bella wake up!"

"Edward," she whispered. Her voice was broken and pained, but she sounded happy. She kept her eyes firmly shut. I laughed weakly with relief. She was alive.

"Bella, oh Bella," I sobbed. "How are you feeling?" What a stupid question. She clearly feels awful.

"I'm okay," she breathed. Each word seemed a challenge for her and she needed to take deep breaths before each one. "You're here."

"Yes, I'm here, I won't leave you Bella, I love you," I said rapidly. I wanted to reach out and touch her but I was too afraid I would hurt her. I looked for some place on her skin that wasn't bruised but she made the choice for me. She reached out with her unbroken hand. It was covered in bruises, but it was clear what she wanted. So I held her hand delicately between mine, enough so she could feel my skin against hers, but soft enough so I wouldn't harm her.

"Edward," she said slowly. "I'm so tired."

"I know Bella, don't sleep now, just wait, Carlisle is coming," I promised. She couldn't sleep now. I was afraid if she fell asleep, she would never wake up. I couldn't lose Bella.

"Thank you Edward," she said. "You saved me." I felt guilt rush through me at her words. If we had found her sooner, or if I had made sure she found a ride home, this could have all been avoided.

"Oh, Bella, if I had only come sooner! I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry," I whimpered pathetically. This was all my fault, entirely my fault.

"No, no." Her voice was surprisingly strong, even though it was hoarse with pain. "The darkness. You saved me from the darkness," she said. Her voice had a note of urgency to it, even though it was so soft and quiet. Whatever this darkness was, it was clear she wanted me to understand.

"What do you mean Bella?" I asked. I rubbed tiny circles on the back of her hand, ever so gently.

"The darkness. Oh it felt so good, the pain went away." She sighed. "But you called me back and I stayed, the light came back but so did the pain. It hurt Edward it hurt," she groaned. She was making no sense but I figured it was do to the head trauma.

"Alice, what the hell is she talking about?" I asked desperately. Alice just shook her head.

"Alice helped too. She didn't want me to go in the darkness," Bella chimed. Her eyes were still shut but her smile was wide and happy.

"I don't know," Alice sobbed gently. We heard the sound of police sirens outside.

"Charlie?" Bella asked wildly.

"I'm not sure, he might be here," I answered.

"Charlie made the darkness leave too. But it was mostly you Edward," she said. I wanted to know what she was talking about. It seemed so vital to her that I know. The door banged open again and Renee, Carlisle and a few police officers came running in.

"Bella, Carlisle is here he's going to help you okay?" I explained. She nodded, still smiling.

"Can I sleep now?" she asked. I turned to Carlisle and he nodded.

"Yes Bella. But promise me you'll wake up?" I asked, whispering so only she would here.

"The darkness won't come back Edward. I promise," she said quietly. And her breathing became rhythmic in an instant. I moved aside and Carlisle examined her quickly. EMT's came rushing in and they loaded Bella on a stretcher. She groaned with pain whenever they touched her skin and I felt sobs wrack through me at her pain. I was about to go out and follow the ambulance to the hospital when Renee came running up and tossed her arms around me. Tears were streaming down her cheeks.

"Thank you so much," she sobbed. I patted her back softly, comfortingly, but somewhat rushed. I wanted to get to Bella. "You saved her. I owe you my life."

"It's no problem," I said softly. Renee took a deep breath and moved her arms. She followed the EMT's into the ambulance with Bella. I climbed into my Volvo as they were loading the man into a different ambulance. I scowled in his general direction as Emmett, Jasper and Alice all slid into the Volvo with me and we rushed to the hospital.

"What was all that talk about 'the darkness'?" Alice asked.

"I have no idea. She just kept saying we saved her from the darkness," I said. To be honest, Bella wasn't making much sense and I figured she was just babbling.

"Maybe once she's coherent we can ask her," Emmett suggested cheerfully. Now that we had found her, his serious manner had quickly dissipated.

"If she even remembers," I added. We got to the hospital in about five minutes and found out Bella was currently in treatment. It seemed like half of Phoenix was in the waiting room. I spotted Renee talking to a police officer and I hurried over to her, to ask for any news on Bella. When I got closer, I realized the man's bad said Police Chief Swan, and found out he was Charlie, Bella's father.

"This is the man that saved Bella," Renee said when she saw me. Charlie grasped my hand and thanked me.

"You don't know how much this means to us," Charlie said gruffly. "Are you her boyfriend?" he asked, his eyes narrowing in suspicion.

"Yes," I answered calmly. I stuck my hands in my pockets to wipe off the sweat on my palms.

"Well then I guess she picked a good one," he said with a crinkly-eyed smile. I grinned back, breathing a sigh of relief that he didn't hate me, since it was my fault this happened in the first place. I noticed a shy looking girl standing next to him with soft brown hair. When she saw me watching her she smiled and held out her hand.

"I'm Angela. I'm a friend of Bella's from Forks," she introduced herself.

"I'm Edward, her boyfriend," I replied.

"Oh the famous Edward," she said with a light smile. "Bella's told me so much about you." I didn't really know what to say to this.

"It was nice of you to fly up here," I said gently. Her eyes darkened slightly.

"Well I had to make sure my friend was okay," she said, her eyes watery. I noticed Carlisle coming back into the waiting room. I excused myself and ran over to him.

"How is she?" I asked.

"Broken wrist, a few broken ribs, a crack in her skull, lots of cuts and bruises. But she'll live," he answered, his voice brisk and business like.

"Can I go see her?" I begged. He shook his head.

"I think Charlie and Renee should see her first. If they want you to go in you can. Don't butt in if they need family time," he said, crossing the line from doctor to dad. Just then, Charlie and Renee came rushing up, since they noticed Carlisle.

"How is she Carlisle?" Renee asked. He repeated the diagnosis.

"She's in room 308, on the third floor if you want to go see her. And she can't have more then three visitors at a time," he instructed. Renee and Charlie started walking to her room but Renee paused at the elevator.

"Aren't you coming Edward?" she asked, confusion coloring her tone. I glanced at Carlisle but he wasn't looking my way.

"Are you sure you don't want to spend time with just the family?" I asked. I wanted desperately to see her.

"Edward, honey, you are family," Renee said warmly. I was shocked. "You saved her. You should come see her. I know she wants to see you." I nodded wordlessly and followed her and Charlie to the elevators. When we reached the third floor all three of us half ran to Bella's room.

She was fast asleep on the bed, wires and tubes running out of every part of her body. Her heart monitor was beeping gently, rhythmically, in time with her heart. An IV filled with blood was dripping steadily into her arm. I noticed her wrist had a cast now, her head was bandaged along with her ribs and everywhere else was black and blue and purple. The cuts had all been cleaned up and stitched, and she had a few over her eye, some on her arms. She looked so broken, like an old doll. It broke my heart. Renee and Charlie moved closer to her, kneeling at her bedside, but I stayed back, my eyes glued to the heart monitor, just making sure. I heard Renee and Charlie whispering to her, but their words didn't register.

"Oh!" Renee let out a surprised gasp and my eyes flashed to Bella's face. Her eyes were half open and she was staring up at me. I gave her as big of a smile as I could manage.

"Mom, Dad," she sighed. "I love you."

"We love you too sweetie," Renee said rapidly. She kissed Bella's hand. "My poor baby. What did he do to you?" I listened intently, waiting for the answer. But Bella just shook her head.

"Won't you tell us?" Charlie asked gently. She shook her head again. A few tears slid down her cheeks and I longed to wipe them away, to wipe away all of her troubles.

"Are you Mr. and Mrs. Swan?" a nurse asked from the doorway. They jumped up and turned to her.

"I'm Renee Dwyer, this is Charlie Swan. We're her parents," Renee said instantly, making it clear they weren't Mr. and Mrs. The nurse blushed slightly, reminding me of Bella.

"May I have a word?" she asked. Her eyes were full of pity as she led Charlie and Renee into the hallway.

"Edward." Bella's weak voice brought my attention back to her. I walked over and sank to the floor by her bedside, brushing her hair out of her eyes.

"Oh Bella. My Bella," I sighed gently. "I love you."

"I love you too." Her eyelids were beginning to droop from the sedatives they were pounding into her.

"Go to sleep, love, you need your rest," I instructed softly.

"I don't want to sleep," she whispered.

"Why not?"

"I'll have nightmares." Her voice was hardly a whisper but I understood what she said. My hands clutched into fists by my side.

"Don't worry Bella, I'm here. I'll protect you," I promised. Never again would something like this happen to Bella. I would always be there.

"I know you will. You kept the darkness away," she said, talking about that random darkness again.

"What's the darkness Bella?" I asked curiously but she was already asleep. I slid a chair over to her bedside and sank into it, still holding her hand gently in mine. Charlie and Renee came back into the room, Charlie looking furious, and Renee weeping. I jumped up.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

"He raped her," he growled. My breathing came in short gasps and my hands were balled into fists so tightly my knuckles were protesting. I had suspected that much but to hear it confirmed was beyond painful. "They did tests and found out. As soon as he gains consciousness they're questioning him." I felt oddly triumphant that he was still out cold after what I had done to him. Although I still wish I could've killed him, he deserved nothing less.

"Poor Bella," I said, my voice distant.

"The doctors say she might have some…trouble talking about it and getting over it," Charlie said, his voice full of ancient grief. "She may never be the same."

"I'm so sorry. Excuse me," I said roughly, jumping out of the room and into the hallway. I went to the bathroom, locking the door behind me. I slammed my fist into the tile wall with as much strength as I could muster. I think I might have broken some knuckles but I needed to let out my frustration. I sank onto the floor and cradled my head in my hands, sobbing.

"Edward." I recognized Carlisle's voice from outside. I let him in. He came up to me and sighed.

"How could anyone do that to her Dad?" I asked weakly.

"I don't know Edward." He shook his head. He looked shaken, which was rare for him. "I just don't know."

_A/N: I hope you guys liked this chapter. Bella is alive and she is staying that way! And she is not pregnant! I'm not that mean! Remember to REVIEW!!_


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Bella's POV

I struggled to open my eyes. I was so tired still, but I wanted to see Edward, my parents, my friends. Plus, once I got my eyes open, it was easier to keep them open.

I finally managed to convince my eyelids to lift and I saw Edward's emerald eyes smoldering at me.

"Hey," I said. My voice sounded weak and hoarse.

"Hey," he replied. He was kneeling next to me and he stroked my forehead gently with the back of his hand.

"Where is everyone?" I asked softly.

"Waiting room. Charlie and Renee are here. And Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett. And Angela," he said in a rush, probably expecting me to fall back asleep.

"Angela's here? How come?" I asked, confusion evident even in my weak voice. He raised his eyebrows.

"She didn't come here cause of this did she?" I asked, my eyes wide. I shook my head but groaned in pain when I did.

"She just wanted to be sure you were safe," Edward said, his velvet voice soothing me. "She's very nice."

"She is," I agreed. Edward was clearly trying to hide some emotion and when I looked into his eyes, his calm mask dropped. His eyes were filled with worry and anguish, pain and sadness. I knew it was all my fault. I had caused him that pain.

"Don't be sad Edward," I begged. "Smile for me." He lifted his cheeks up into a crooked grin, but it didn't reach his eyes.

"I can't help being sad Bella. After what happened to you. It's all my fault," he muttered.

"No!" I said, trying to shout, but my voice just grew to a normal level. My heart monitor beeped erratically. "It's not your fault! Don't you dare think that!"

"Shh, Bella, calm down," he said. He kissed my forehead gently and the beeping returned to normal.

"Edward?" I said quietly. I dreaded asking the question, but I needed to know.

"Yes, love?"

"Did…they tell you…exactly what happened?" I asked, fighting back tears. Edward's face tensed, his hands curling into fists.

"Not the details. But…we do know what he did to you Bella," he said in a strained voice. The tears flooded down my cheeks. Edward knew I was used, he knew I was dirty, unclean, no longer pure for him.

"I know it's hard love, you don't have to talk about it," he said softly, his tension melting away.

"I want to shower," I said. I needed to be clean, to wash off as much as I could from that day.

"Bella I don't know if you can handle it," he said, his eyes conflicted.

"Or a bath," I amended. "Either way, I just want to be clean." Maybe the water could wash away the pain, the memories, make me good enough for Edward. No, nothing could do that. I would forever be unclean, used, never good enough for the wonderful man that I loved.

"I'll call a nurse and see what I can do," he said. He walked into the hallway and the moment he left, Charlie and Renee came in. I was grateful that they had let me have some alone time with Edward.

"Oh Bella," Renee choked. She ran over to me and wrapped her arms around me. I flinched away, for two reasons. One because her arms hit the bruises and caused horrible pain. Two because the moment her skin touched mine, memories of the previous day flooded back to me and I couldn't bear to have her touch me anymore. She took a step back, looking shocked and somewhat hurt.

"Sorry Mom. I just can't…" I mumbled pathetically. She nodded understandingly but the hurt didn't leave her eyes. Charlie didn't bother trying to hug me, probably fearing the same reaction. He just stroked my forehead gently. I flinched away from him too. Even though Edward had done the same thing, it was different with Charlie. His touch brought back the memories, but Edward's touch shooed them away. Charlie withdrew his hand and sighed.

"How are you feeling honey?" Renee asked.

"Okay," I said truthfully. "It only hurts when I move." I was tired again, my eyes beginning to droop. But I wanted to wait until Edward came back before I slept. I smiled when I saw him come in, followed by a nurse and Alice.

"Do you want to take a shower dear?" the nurse asked sweetly.

"Not right now, but soon," I said. I was too tired to shower right now.

"Okay, we think it'll be possible, if someone will help you," she said, her eyes traveling between Renee and Alice.

"Alice?" I asked. I didn't want to put my mother through any more torture by having to see my bruised and broken body. She nodded.

"Of course Bella," she said.

"I'm sorry, but only three visitors at a time," the nurse said, her face apologetic.

"I'll go," Edward said gently.

"No!" I half shouted. Everyone turned to me. I blushed and turned to the nurse. "It's only one extra. Please?" She bit her lip.

"Fine. But don't stay too long," she warned, before leaving the room. I breathed a sigh of relief. Alice and Edward came to the opposite side of my bed as Renee and Charlie. I reached my unbroken hand out to Edward and he took it in his gently. I didn't flinch away from his touch. His touch was soothing as opposed to scary. Renee looked at our entwined fingers and pain stung her eyes again. I wanted to apologize but I couldn't help it. Something about Edward made the pain, the memories dissipate. With everyone else, they increased tenfold.

"I'm tired," I yawned. Edward chuckled slightly.

"We'll leave you be then sweetie. If you need us, we're just a phone call away," Renee said quickly. She kissed my forehead and I did my best not to flinch away from her touch, so I wouldn't hurt her any further. But I think she noticed the way my face tensed since her face fell slightly. Her and Charlie left the room.

"Hey Alice?" I said, turning to her. She looked lost in thought and jumped when I said her name.

"Yeah Bella?" she asked kindly.

"What happened to the dress?" I asked curiously. I wasn't wearing it anymore and I didn't see it anywhere. She stiffened.

"We threw it out. It was…ripped and stuff." She seemed to be struggling.

"I'm sorry," I said sincerely. She snorted.

"It's just a dress Bella. Don't worry. I'll let you get some sleep." She smiled warmly at me and blew a kiss before leaving. I turned to Edward.

"Stay with me," I begged, my breathing increasing slightly along with the beeping heart monitor. "Please."

"Are you sure?" He sounded undecided.

"Yes. I don't want to wake up alone, I want you here," I explained.

"You don't need to be afraid anymore Bella. No one can hurt you," he said gently, guessing my thoughts correctly.

"While you're here," I amended softly. "No one can hurt me while you're here." He sighed, leaning down to kiss my fingers tenderly.

"Then I'll stay," he promised.

"Thank you," I breathed, before falling into a deep sleep.

"Time to go home Bella," Alice sang happily, two days later. I had improved greatly, most of my bruises were fading. My arm and ribs still hurt but I was able to do most things myself. Alice had helped me shower when I woke up the previous day.

The shower had been both wonderful and terrifying.

The warm water against my skin was soothing and comforting. Sure I was still used and I still felt unclean. But all of the dried blood that the nurses had missed, all of the sweat and grime from the past two days was gone and I felt slightly better because of that. It was also nice to get the tangles out of my hair and feel more presentable.

But it was terrifying to see myself. My face had no color and I looked deathly pale. Bruises were covering my skin, purple, blue, yellowish in the middles. Some were even shaped like handprints. The cuts were red and shiny against my skin. I had screamed when I saw them and Alice ran in to find me collapsed on the shower floor, sobbing. She had to help me up again and help me shower. She got soaking wet, ruining her clothes, but she didn't seem to mind.

"Bella?" Alice said, bringing me back to the present.

"Oh, right," I said quickly.

"I brought this for you to change into," she announced. I was glad to see it was sweatpants and a sweatshirt, both in a royal blue. But I was mad to see they were designer sweats, meaning they were much too expensive. I changed into them anyways, with a little help from Alice.

"Thanks," I said gratefully. I sank onto the bed, breathing heavily, exhausted from the short exertion. "You guys can come on in!" I called back. Charlie, Renee, Angela, Rosalie, Emmett, Jasper and Edward all filed into the room.

"You're looking better Bella," Emmett said.

"Thanks Emmett," I replied, giving him a forced smile.

"Do you have everything?" Renee asked. I nodded. I reached my arms out to Edward and he helped me stand.

Everyone had figured out that Edward was the only person allowed to touch me. It was their unspoken rule. Don't touch Bella. The only time anyone else touched me is when Alice helped me change or shower, and even then I would flinch away from her, no matter where she touched. I felt guilty, like I was picking favorites or something. But I couldn't help the way my mind and body responding to them touching me. Edward kept one arm wrapped firmly around my waist as we walked downstairs.

"Can I go in Edward's car Mom?" I asked quietly. She bit her lip but nodded. I know it's selfish, not to spend time with my clearly hurting mother, but I needed to be with Edward right now.

We never talked about what happened. It was another unspoken rule. I had found out the basics. He had been taken to the hospital with us, treated and sent to jail. The trial would be in a few weeks and I didn't have to testify if I didn't want to.

Much to my dismay, they all knew I had been raped, even if they never said it aloud. I was glad that they didn't know the details though. I kept those details hidden deep inside of me, like if I didn't talk about them, if I kept them well hidden, they would eventually disappear. If only.

Edward kissed the top of my head gently, leading me to his car.

"Come on Bella," he murmured gently. "Let's go home."

_A/N: Okay, kind of short, but whatever. Thanks for all the reviews, keep them up!_


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Edward's POV

I held Bella close to me as I led her to my car. Bella didn't seem to realize it, but she had changed so much. I hadn't seen her laugh, or even smile really, since the day she got kidnapped. She seemed to cringe away from all physical contact, except with me. She was always reaching out to me, wanting me to hold her hand. And, although I'd never admit this out loud, I was kind of happy she still wanted me to hold her. I couldn't imagine never touching my beautiful Bella, ever again.

I opened the passenger door for Bella and she slid into the seat. The first thing she did, was reach out and run her fingers over the dashboard. She seemed to be familiarizing herself with her surroundings again.

"Ready?" I asked gently as I climbed into the drivers seat. She nodded.

"Can we go to your house first?" she asked quietly. That was another thing that had changed with Bella. She seemed constantly dazed, distracted with her thoughts, uncaring of her surroundings. I hoped her thoughts aren't memories of that day.

"Don't you want to spend some time at home first?" I asked softly.

"No. I want to see your room," she decided. It was silent for a few more minutes. I decided now would be a good time to branch the subject of therapy. Renee had asked me to talk to Bella about it.

_Flashback_

_"Edward can I talk to you for a moment?" Renee asked gently. Bella had just fallen asleep and I didn't want to leave her side, but I stood and followed Renee into the hallway anyways._

_"What is it?" I asked, keeping my eyes on Bella. Her chest was still rising and falling rhythmically, her heart monitor beeping steadily. Once I saw she was still fast asleep I gave Renee my full attention._

_"Well…right now it seems like Bella…trusts you the most. Is the most comfortable around you," she said, her voice full of pain. I wondered if Bella knew the extent of pain she was causing Renee. It wasn't Bella's fault of course but it still made me feel guilty. "And I'd like you to talk to her about…therapy," she continued._

_"Bella won't talk about this with anyone. She's not going to talk about it with a stranger," I said instantly. I wanted to be polite, but the idea was slightly ridiculous._

_"That's why I was hoping you could go with her. She would probably feel more comfortable with you there and it would help her heal faster," she persisted. I sighed, peeking at Bella again. Her eyes were open now and she was watching me. I knew she hadn't heard our conversation but she wanted me to come back in._

_"I'll try and talk to her," I told Renee, not taking my eyes off Bella. "We'll see what she says."_

_"Thank you," she murmured. I walked back into the room and took Bella's hand in mine._

_End flashback_

"Bella?" I said tentatively. She had been staring out the window, flinching sometimes. I wanted to know what she was thinking, but now wasn't the time for that.

"Yes?" she replied dreamily.

"How would you feel about…therapy?" I asked, my voice barely a whisper. Bella stiffened.

"No."

"Bella…consider it at least," I pleaded. She paused for a minute.

"No."

"Bella," I sighed.

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"If I go with you?" She actually paused to think about it for real this time. I knew I was getting warmer.

"No."

"Please Bella? I'll do most of the talking, if it'll make you feel better," I suggested.

"What would you talk about?" she asked curiously.

"My feelings." She snorted.

"Fine. I'll go. But only cause I'd like to see _that_."

"Thanks love," I replied, giving her a quick smile. We pulled into my driveway in silence. Bella climbed out the moment I turned off the engine. We were the first ones here, due to my liking of fast speeds.

"Let's see your room now," she whined. I rolled my eyes, intertwining my fingers with hers. I led her upstairs. It wasn't until after I opened my door that I remembered. Bella gasped.

"Edward! What happened to you CD's?" she cried. She couldn't even walk into the room due to the hundreds of discs and cases that littered the floor.

"Well…when I found out…before I knew you were safe," I began awkwardly. She stiffened. "I was angry. And I let my anger out on my collection," I finished. Bella surprised me by sinking to her knees. I dropped down next to her.

"You broke your CD's," she said, her voice full of sadness, her eyes full of tears. "Because of me."

"No, it's my fault. I was angry, I needed to let my frustration out," I explained quickly.

"You were angry cause of me," she said. Her voice broke.

"Bella, CD's are replaceable," I said. "And I could've let my frustration out on something else. But I did this. It is not your fault." She sighed, tears still streaming down her cheeks. She bent down and started cleaning them up, trying to match the loose discs with the cases.

"I will buy you every CD that broke. I'll replace them all," she promised, more to herself then to me.

"Bella that's unnecessary," I scoffed. I could easily replace these discs; I just needed my credit card and a trip to the music store.

"I will," she said. She stood up straight, an armful of cases in her hands. She began stacking them on the shelves. "I'll buy you new ones." Her voice was determined.

"Fine. If that will make you feel better, then fine," I agreed finally. She continued stacking the cases, matching the loose discs. I helped her as much as I could. After a few minutes, we had filled up one shelf. But a loud knock on the door caused us to stop. Bella laced her fingers through mine and we both walked downstairs. I realized she was holding my bandaged fingers because she kept stroking the gauze.

"What happened?" she asked. I didn't want to tell her the truth. I didn't want to make her feel any worse then she already did. She was feeling needlessly guilty about pain I had caused myself. She was blaming it all on herself.

"I punched a wall and bruised a few knuckles. No big deal," I said, trying to sound nonchalant.

"Was it my fault?" she asked, horrified, her eyes going wide.

"No! I was just angry. And I didn't have my CD's with me," I attempted to joke. She didn't smile.

"I don't want you hurting yourself because of me Edward. This needs to stop," she demanded.

"Don't worry Bella. Now that I have you safe in my arms, I won't have to let out any more frustration," I promised quickly. And if I did, I would keep it well hidden. I opened the door to find the rest of my family and the Hale's, along with Charlie and Renee.

"Time to come home Bella," Renee said gently. Bella sighed.

"Fine."

"And you're first therapy session is tomorrow," she added tentatively. She looked up at me and I gave her an encouraging smile. "I assume Edward already talked to you about it."

"Yeah." She kept her answers short and simple.

"Well then. Come on baby, you'll want to get a good nights sleep," Renee said gently. She reached out for Bella's hand but Bella took a step away from it. Renee dropped it, her eyes brimming with tears. Bella turned to me and she looked like she was in as much pain as her mother. She hated causing anyone else pain. She wanted to make Renee feel better, but she couldn't help it. I kissed her forehead tenderly.

"Stay with me," she whispered, her eyes terrified.

"You have to go home Bella," I replied, trying to sound soothing.

"Come with me. You can sleepover," she said instantly. "Just don't leave me." I looked up at Renee with pleading eyes. Bella followed my gaze and took a step closer to her mother, while maintaining a safe arm's distance away.

"Please Mom. He can sleep in the guestroom," she begged. "He'll keep me safe." Her voice broke. Renee glanced up at me.

"I…guess so. But only for tonight," she said sternly. Bella exhaled in relief. She came back over to me and laced her fingers through mine.

"I just need to grab a bag okay?" I said, warning her. She nodded once and I ran upstairs, quickly stuffing some shorts into my bag, with a toothbrush. When I got back downstairs, I saw Bella was standing against the wall, as far away from her family as she could get in the limited space. When she saw me, she hurried over, tossing her arms around my neck and burying her head in my chest.

"Let's go," she said. Her voice sounded like she was crying. I kissed her hair and wrapped an arm around her waist. Renee stepped outside with Charlie and I followed with Bella. We stopped just outside their house. I removed my arm from Bella's waist, but she clung to my hand, her palm squeezing against mine.

"My plane leaves soon. I have to go now Bells," Charlie said lightly. Tears welled up in Bella's eyes.

"Bye Dad," she said. Charlie looked like he wanted to hug her, but thought better of it. He simply kissed her cheek. Bella flinched away from even that, although she tried not to. Charlie just sighed.

"I love you Bella. Be safe," he said, his voice gruff. Bella nodded once.

"Love you too," she whispered. Charlie climbed into the rental car and drove off.

"Okay, it's time for bed," Renee said gently. "Edward will be in the guestroom." She gave me a serious look and I knew what it meant. Edward will not leave the guest room.

"Okay," Bella said. She pulled me up the stairs and to her bedroom. She paused outside of the door.

"Stay," she instructed. I nodded. If she told me to balance on my head while chugging a glass of water for her, I would. She went into her bedroom for a few minutes, and when she emerged, she was in her PJ's. She laced her fingers through mine and pulled me into her room. She climbed into her bed and I sat on her desk chair, right next to her. I hummed her lullaby softly, stroking her forehead with the back of my hand. She fell asleep after twenty minutes or so.

"Goodnight my love," I whispered, kissing her forehead before leaving the room. I was about to enter the guest room when I heard a cough behind me. I whirled around to see Renee. She was in sweats and holding a mug of tea in her hands, her face grave.

"I was just going to bed," I said awkwardly. She took a few steps over to me.

"Edward I'm worried about Bella. It seems like she's addicted to you or something. It's unhealthy." He tone was sharp and cold. "I want you to distance yourself from her. I don't mind you seeing her still; just make sure she spends time with other people too. You aren't her whole life and I don't want her to forget her friends and family." I knew she was saying this out of concern for Bella and because of the pain she was enduring but it frustrated me.

"I can't help that Bella is more…comfortable around me then others. Of course I want her to spend time with her family and friends, but if she wants me to be there, I will. I'm not going to leave her alone if that's not what she wants," I said, working hard to keep my tone polite.

"She probably just thinks you found her so you'll protect her. But she needs to get over that, because you're not always going to be there. College is soon. Who knows what might happen with your relationship…" she trailed off suggestively and I frowned. Renee didn't understand the intensity of mine and Bella's relationship. This wasn't just a teen fling.

"I love Bella. I'm not going to hurt her, emotionally or physically. I may not always be there but I'm planning on staying with her as long as she needs me," I said, my words harsh. "I won't leave her. Ever." Renee sighed, long and low.

"Fine. Whatever," she said, stomping back into her room. I now understood why Bella was always saying Renee was so childish. I walked into the guestroom and quickly changed into a pair of shorts before climbing into bed. I was almost asleep, the last dregs of reality fading when I heard it. A scream.

I jumped up. I recognized that scream. I ran from the guestroom across the hall into Bella's room in an instant. She was sitting straight up, tears and panic in her eyes. Her hair was messy and drenched with sweat. She looked around wildly and spotted me. I climbed onto the bed and she collapsed onto me, sobbing.

"Shh, Bella, it's okay, I'm here," I murmured. "Why did you scream?"

"Nightmare," she gasped. "Stay with me."

"Of course," I promised. I slid her down so she was lying against my chest on the bed. Her eyes were still wet with tears but she seemed to be calming down. I kissed her hair and hummed her lullaby until she finally fell back asleep. I couldn't sleep anymore. I was watching Bella's face.

She was frowning and her brow was puckered. Her breath was coming in quick gasps. She started mumbling in her sleep. At first I couldn't make out the words, but as her voice rose in volume it became clear.

"No, please stop," she begged. I realized with a stab of horror, she was dreaming of the rape. "Edward help me!" She whimpered in pain, as if something was hurting her. She screamed, and shot up in bed.

"Bella, shh, no one is going to hurt you ever again," I said. She calmed down slightly and lay back down with me.

"Make the nightmares stop Edward," she pleaded.

"I wish I could," I responded, my voice desperate.

"Just hold me. Stay with me and the nightmares will stay away," she said, her voice dead. She was already falling back asleep. "Don't leave me," she gasped, right before she fell into unconsciousness.

"I'll never leave you Bella," I promised. "I love you."

_A/N: Okay so not the best chapter. I'm actually experiencing some writers block, so if anyone has any ideas, just PM me or review them to me. I'm pretty sure the next chapter will be therapy. REVIEW!!_


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Bella's POV

I did not want to go to therapy. At all. But I had told Edward I would go. So here I was, sitting in a stuffy office, waiting for the shrink in there to finish with whoever he is currently "healing".

To be honest, I would probably run away right now if it wasn't for the fact that Edward was sitting next to me, holding my hand. And the fact that he could probably restrain me if I tried to make a break for it.

"Isabella Swan and Edward Cullen?" the doctor called. She was short and not fat, but thick, with shoulder length brown hair and big glasses. She was staring at a piece of paper on a clipboard. I sighed and Edward stood up, pulling me along with him.

"Don't worry about it Bella," he said, his breath tickling my ear. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to." I looked up at him. His eyes were smoldering, determined. I nodded once, encouraged by the fire in his eyes.

"That's us," I said quietly. She glanced up at us, squinting behind her glasses.

"I'm Dr. Rhonda Baker. You can call me Rhonda. It's nice to meet you Isabella, Edward," she said kindly. She shook Edward's hand and then reached for mine. I took a deep breath and pressed my palm to hers for a brief second, before removing it like I had been burned. Rhonda seemed to notice, and rapidly jotted something down on her clipboard. "Come right in." She led us into the other room.

The back wall was made of a huge window, staring out onto the streets of Phoenix. Her desk was right in front of the window, so that her back would be facing the window when she sat. Her chair was tall and cushy, her desk a reddish mahogany.

Directly across from the desk was a long, leather sofa. Rhonda seated herself in the big chair and Edward and I sat on the couch. Rhonda looked very odd, with the sunlight shining behind her. Her face was cast in shadow and it was slightly menacing.

"So," she said. She leaned her elbows on the desk, entwining her fingers and leaning her chin on them. "Isabella."

"Bella," I corrected automatically.

"Bella," she repeated. "How are you today?" I peeked at Edward and he gave me an encouraging smile.

"I'm fine. How are you?" I asked, trying to sound polite, but just sounding incredulous.

"Well I'm just dandy. How about you Edward. How are you today?" she asked, turning her small eyes on him.

"I'm good," he replied skeptically.

"So are you two dating?" Rhonda asked calmly.

"Yes," Edward answered promptly. Rhonda wrote something on her clipboard.

"How long have you been dating?" she asked, her voice barely interested.

"Um, about…seven months," I answered. Edward nodded in confirmation.

"Seven months wow," Rhonda said. "Are you in love?"

"Very much so," Edward said instantly. I nodded in agreement.

"How did you two meet?" she asked. I glanced at Edward, silently letting him know I wanted him to tell the story. I didn't really like talking too much since…it happened. People always stared at me like a bomb ready to explode. I didn't want people to pay even _more_ attention to me.

"Well Bella's mother lived across the street from me. Bella moved in with her about eight months ago," he explained.

"Did you start dating when she first arrived?" Rhonda inquired.

"No. Not until about a month later," I said. Duh. I mean, if we had been dating for seven months and I had been here for eight, then we clearly didn't start dating right away.

"Edward. When did you first figure out you loved Bella?" she asked.

"About two days after she came. We had grown so close so fast. I had fallen in love with her, and I didn't even realize it," he answered. My heart lifted at his words. I'd heard them a hundred times but it never ceased to amaze me.

"Bella. Same question," she prompted.

"Right after Phil died," I replied. She looked surprised.

"Who's Phil?" she asked, her voice shocked. Her pen was moving so quickly across her clipboard, I wondered if she was really writing, or just scribbling.

"My step father. We weren't really close. But it hurt my mother a lot," I answered.

"Do you think you were just turning to Edward to look for the fatherly love you were deprived of?" Rhonda pressed. I was insulted.

"Of course not!" I snapped. "I have a father. I don't feel deprived of fatherly love," I scoffed. "And I truly love Edward."

"I see," she said simply, unsurprised by my sudden outburst. I crossed my arms over my chest.

"So Edward, if you realized you loved Bella the second day she was here, how come you two didn't get together sooner?"

"Bella had a boyfriend back home," Edward answered, glancing at me. I kept my face carefully impassive.

"Did you love your boyfriend back home?" she asked, turning to me.

"I did. At the time. He cheated on me though," I said bitterly. The memory still stung.

"Did you turn to Edward after that happened?" she asked. I made a face at her.

"No! I loved Edward before I even broke up with Jacob, before I even knew I loved him. I am truly, really in love with Edward. I wasn't looking for love. Even if I was, why would I still be with Edward? I love him." Edward was smiling crookedly at me, pleased by my intensity. I squeezed his hand.

"Okay…I'm sorry," Rhonda said sincerely.

"It's okay. I love Edward. I don't want you to question that," I explained, my voice apologetic.

"Okay then." She took a deep breath and gave us both a warning glance. "Bella. I would like for you to be completely honest with me for this next question." I nodded nervously. "Have you and Edward or any of your previous boyfriends engaged in sexual intercourse?"

"No!" I answered quickly. "Jacob and Edward were my only serious boyfriends."

"Is there any specific reason why you didn't want to have intercourse with them? Was it religion?" she pressed. I felt myself turning red. I was talking about my non-existent sex life. Except for one, horrible exception.

"No I guess I just…wasn't ready. Jacob wanted to a few times, but I always made him stop." I looked up at Edward. He seemed just as embarrassed by this as I was. "And with Edward…we wanted to wait. We wanted it to be special, for both of our first times."

"So Edward, you have never had intercourse before either?" Rhonda asked. She seemed surprised.

"No," he answered curtly.

"How come?" she asked. "Was it lack of opportunity? Religion?"

"I don't know. There was plenty of opportunity, I just…I guess I wanted my first time to be memorable, with someone I loved. Not just some drunken hook up. I wanted it to be special." I looked up at Edward in awe. He was the legitimate perfect guy.

"Did you two have anything…special planned in that area?" she asked. I blushed and buried my face in my hands. This is so embarrassing!

"No need to be self conscious Bella. None of this will leave this room," she promised. I gave Edward a you-deal-with-it look. He turned back to Rhonda.

"We didn't have anything special really planned. We just…we would know when the moment was right. And we would do it then." He shrugged. "We were saving ourselves for each other." A wave of guilt washed over me then. Edward could never be my first. My first time would never be special, a happy, loving memory. It would be one filled with terror, horror, pain. I suddenly choked a sob and curled into a ball. I brought my knees to my chest and sobbed. I felt Edward wrap an arm around me and he pulled me against his chest. I leaned into him.

"I'm s-s-sorry," I mumbled.

"Don't apologize, love," he murmured, kissing my hair gently. "I love you, it's okay."

"It's not okay," I whimpered. "It will never be okay." Edward continued to soothe me, kissing my hair and stroking my arm gently until I settled down. When I finally sat up, I took a deep breath and looked at Rhonda. She looked perfectly in control, unsurprised. People probably broke down in her office all the time.

"Would you like to tell me what upset you Bella?" she asked softly, her voice kind. I shook my head. I wasn't ready to talk to anyone about it. To admit my greatest shame, my greatest weakness. It was unbearable.

"You don't have to. If you ever feel comfortable enough to tell me, I'd like you to," she said. I nodded in understanding.

"It's okay love," Edward whispered, squeezing my hand gently. He flashed me my favorite lopsided grin.

"I just want to let you know Bella," Rhonda said suddenly, her voice cautious. "That just because of what happened to you, just because you were raped." I flinched at the word. "It doesn't mean your first time with Edward can't be special. It can be, if you want it to be." I marveled at how she had correctly guessed my thoughts. She seemed to notice my surprise and she gave me an encouraging smile. I nodded briefly.

Of course it wasn't true though. If Edward and I ever did have sex, if I ever could, it wouldn't be special. I would be constantly haunted with the memory of the last man that had done those things to me, that had touched and used me. I choked back a sob, and Rhonda didn't seem to notice.

"Bella…when you came in, you seemed reluctant to shake my hand. At first I thought you just didn't like physical contact. But you seem perfectly content when Edward touches you. Would you like to tell me why that is?" she asked calmly. I took a deep breath. I had never talked about this out loud. But I felt like I couldn't hide it any longer. I looked at Edward when I spoke. I was telling him, not a complete stranger behind a desk.

"Well…when people touch me…it brings back memories. Things I don't want to remember." I took a deep breath, struggling to fight back the tears that threatened to overcome me. "But with Edward it does the opposite. The memories leave and he comforts me." Rhonda looked like she was expecting more but I couldn't continue talking about it. I hated the pain I was causing Renee, Charlie, even Alice. I couldn't hug or kiss my mother, I couldn't touch my best friend, without the pain of the memories crippling me. It was excruciating.

"I see." She turned to Edward. "You found her, correct?" she verified.

"Yes. My brother Emmett, my sister Alice and our friend Jasper were all with me," he answered. He seemed as unwilling to talk about that night as I am.

"What was she saying, when you came in?" she asked. I was kind of annoyed. I mean, they were talking about me when I was sitting right there. I folded my arms over my chest and shot Rhonda a nasty look. She didn't seem to notice. She was watching Edward, her expression patient.

"Well…she wasn't talking at all at first. She was…pretty banged up," he said. His voice broke and to my surprise he had tears in his eyes. His tears literally broke my heart. "But then she started jabbering on about how I had saved her from 'the darkness.'"

He looked over at me and I froze. I didn't remember much from that day, but I remembered the darkness perfectly. How near I was to death. I didn't remember mentioning it to Edward, but I knew I had wanted him to understand. He had saved me, in more ways then one.

"What is the darkness, Bella?" Rhonda asked me.

"I…I don't remember," I lied quickly. Edward could easily see through my lie and he raised his eyebrows. I shook my head, moving it just a fraction of an inch to each side. I hoped Rhonda couldn't see through me.

"I see. Edward what exactly was she saying about the darkness? Maybe if you remind her, she'll remember," Rhonda hedged. I suppressed a groan. I didn't want to be reminded of that night and I already remembered.

"Well…she just kept saying, 'thank you for saving me from the darkness' and stuff. She said the darkness made the pain go away but she wanted to stay with us, her family and friends," Edward said, his eyes sliding over to me and resting on my eyes. I was instantly mesmerized by his eyes.

"Do you remember now Bella? Ring any bells?" Rhonda asked. I shook my head, still locked in Edward's gaze. His emerald eyes sparkled, urging me to tell the truth. But I wrenched my eyes away.

"No," I lied. "Not at all." Rhonda sighed.

"I see. Okay, you two may go. I'll see you in two days," she said dismissively. She started gathering up her papers and I was startled by the sudden ending. Edward stood up, wrapping his arm around my waist. He waited until we were outside to talk to me.

"You did wonderfully Bella," he said. He kissed my forehead lightly. "And you don't need to talk about anything unless you're ready to."

"Thank you Edward," I mumbled. I moved my lips up and gently pressed them to his. He froze for a split second before gently kissing me back. It was the first real kiss we had shared since it happened. And I was surprised it didn't drag up the painful memories.

"I love you Bella," he sighed.

"I love you too Edward."

_A/N: Another chapter! Looks like Bella is starting to open up a bit more ) Keep reviewing! And I'm sorry I didn't answer and reviews last chapter but the site wasn't sending them ( But it's all fixed now, so review away! And also, sorry I didn't post this chapter yesterday, but I was at a Billy Joel concert till like one AM he was AMAZING!! Keep REVIEWING!!  
_


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Edward's POV

I was surprised when Bella pressed her lips to mine that first time. I had assumed…it would be painful for her, remind her of the incident. So I had been sure to keep my lips to myself, only kissing her cheek or forehead. I was pleasantly surprised to find that she wanted to kiss me. Although I wasn't pushing it any further then a peck.

"I love you Bella," I sighed.

"I love you too Edward," she replied. I kissed her lips once more, ever so gently, before leading her to the Volvo. She seemed perfectly content, which was surprising, especially after her breakdown in the therapy room.

A wave of guilt washed over me as I thought of that. I didn't mean to say anything to hurt her but I should have known. I mean, we were saving ourselves for each other; we had made a pact to do that. In my book, what happened to her doesn't count. But I could tell by the hurt in her eyes, she thought she broke that pact and it almost crushed her. My poor, sweet, innocent angel. Something so terrible should've never happened to her.

"Edward slow down!" Bella shrieked suddenly. I looked at the speedometer and realized I was going almost a hundred miles an hour. I slowed back down to eighty.

"Sorry love," I mumbled apologetically. Whenever I got angry, I tended to drive faster than usual. And I know my driving scares Bella, so I slow down for her.

"It's okay. I came close to dying once, I don't want it to happen again." Her tone was light, joking, but her eyes were serious. I was shocked to see the least. She rarely opened up about what happened, and now she was joking about it? I slow down to seventy. I didn't want to hurt her any more. An awkward silence filled the car.

I suddenly realized something that caused my heart to tighten slightly. I was in my first awkward silence with Bella. Normally, our silences were chosen, perfectly happy, content silences. But this one felt stiff and awkward, like neither of us could think of anything to say. And I sure couldn't. I peeked at Bella and she was staring blankly out the window. I sighed, trying to think of something to say.

"Edward?" Bella said, breaking the silence. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Yes, love?" I replied.

"I…well…therapy got me thinking," she began softly. She looked up at me.

"Go on," I urged. She took a deep breath.

"And…well I still want to…have sex with you someday." Her face was slowly turning red. "I'm certainly not ready yet. But…even if you can't be my first time…I still want it to be special. With us." She exhaled loudly, as if she had been holding her breath through her whole speech.

"Bella…what happened to you." Her breath caught in her throat and I looked at her, pausing. Her jaw was set, so I continued. "It doesn't count. Really, your virginity…is something you give up willingly. It's not something that can be taken from you. And, if you still want me to, I'd like to be your first. I'd like to take your virginity." I mentally cringed at how perverted that sounded.

"It's already gone Edward," she said, her voice saturated with pain.

"No, Bella. It's not gone until…you mean it, you want it," I persisted. I wanted her to understand. I wanted to get rid of the ridiculous guilt she felt at breaking our pact.

"No Edward. It's gone. Nothing you do or say can change that," she snapped. I frowned, frustrated.

"Bella…really. I will still be your first real time. I don't care if you don't see it that way, but I do," I said, trying to stay calm.

"Well you see it wrong." Her voice was cold and harsh. We rode in silence the rest of the way home.

"Where do you want to go? Your house or mine?" I asked quietly. She didn't look up at me.

"Take me home," she whispered. "I want to be alone." Her words hurt me much more then I let on. But I quickly pulled into her driveway and stopped the car. She seemed to be debating if she should say something or not. I waited patiently.

But eventually she decided against it. She climbed out of the car without a word and walked up to the front door. She turned to look at me when she reached the door, her face expressionless. She sighed and turned away, walking inside without a backwards glance.

I felt like my heart was breaking. I know what happened to Bella was awful, but she was changing so much. She's pushing everyone away, refusing to talk about it. I was worried for her. I didn't want her to do anything drastic, or wallow in her own emotions for too long. She needed to talk to someone, whether it be me, Rhonda or anyone else. She just couldn't keep it all bottled inside. It would eventually become too much.

I sighed and backed out of her driveway directly into mine. Alice was sitting on the front steps, her head in her hands. She watched me as I pulled into the driveway. I walked over to her and plopped next to her.

"Edward," she said softly. I nodded. "I'm so worried about her." Her voice broke. It hurt, seeing my normally upbeat, cheery sister so hurt.

"I am too Alice," I replied sadly.

"How did therapy go?"

"Okay. She talked about it a bit, but nothing more then we already knew or assumed," I answered sadly.

"She's going to crack Edward. She can't keep it all inside like this," Alice said, her voice weak and broken. "I don't want her to…hurt herself or anything."

"She won't do that," I said fiercely. Hopefully.

"I hope not," she sighed. "I had been hoping she would open up to you. But she looked…blank when she left the car." She looked at me, clearly wanting me to fill her in.

"She's upset because I can't be her first. Because we were planning on saving ourselves for each other and she thinks that now, she isn't as…I don't know. she's upset that she broke out pact, that she broke a promise," I explained carefully.

"But it's not her fault!" Alice burst.

"I know but she still seems to think it counts. I told her it didn't but…" I shrugged.

"Oh Edward. This is just terrible," she said. A few tears slid down her cheeks and I wrapped a comforting arm around her.

"I know Alice. But all we can do is wait and hope," I whispered.

"I know. but…I hate seeing her so hurt, so empty. It's like she's not even the same Bella. It's like the life has been sucked out of her," she said, struggling for words. But she seemed to describe it perfectly.

"Hopefully, she'll be back to normal soon. Once she feels better about this whole thing," I said quietly. Alice nodded, sighed and stood up.

"Well I'm going inside, to watch a movie with Jasper. Night Edward."

"Good night Alice."

"_Our song is the slammin' screen door, sneakin' out late tappin' on your window. When we're on the phone and-"_

"Hello?" I answered groggily. I knew it was Bella, it was her special ring tone. What I didn't know, is why she was calling me at three in the morning.

"Edward?" she whimpered.

"Bella what's wrong? Are you okay?" I asked rapidly. Her voice was so sad and scared I instantly thought the worst. But I tried to push the thoughts from my head and she answered.

"I had another nightmare," she whispered. I sighed in relief. Sure it was still bad but at least she was safe.

"Oh Bella I'm sorry love," I murmured. "Do you want me to come over?" I asked, wondering how I would get by Renee.

"No I just want you to stay on the phone," she said. Sleepiness was already returning to her voice.

"Okay. I love you Bella," I sighed.

"I love you too." I hummed her lullaby gently until the sound of her even breathing filled the phone. Once I was sure she was asleep, I gratefully let unconsciousness take over me.

_"You're too late Edward," the man sneered. I instantly recognized him as the man that had taken Bella. We were in a long, white room. There were no windows, just a door, black against the white walls. I growled lightly._

_"What do you mean?" I roared._

_"I mean you're too late. She's dead Edward. Your precious little Bella is dead." He was taunting me. Taunting me that my love was dead. I ran to try and attack him but he was gone, suddenly across the room, laughing at me._

_"You're wrong!" I screamed. "She's alive, she's safe!"_

_"No she isn't," he laughed. "Poor, pitiful boy. Deluded into thinking she's still alive. But she isn't. I killed her. I'm sure it was painful too."_

_"Gah!" I let out a furious roar and ran at him again, fists raised. But once again he was gone, out of reach._

_"Give her to me!" I yelled._

_"You don't want her now, she's disgusting," he said. But he reached down and suddenly he was holding Bella in his arms. She was looking just as broken, as bloody as when I had found her. But something was different. Her head was lolling on her neck, her eyes were wide and glassy. There was a pool of blood underneath her but she didn't seem to be bleeding any more. She was dead._

_"Bella!" I cried, tears streaming down my face. I sank to my knees, horrible grief and anguish overtaking me._

_"Yes. She's dead," he sneered. He gently reached out to stroke her face._

_"NO!"_

I shot straight up, gasping. The nightmare had seemed so real, so scary. It was like she had really died.

"Edward! Edward!" Bella's beautiful voice was shrieking through my cell phone. I grabbed it.

"Bella," I panted. "Oh Bella." Tears were streaming down my face and I quickly wiped them away.

"Edward! Edward, you scared me," she sobbed. "You were yelling, I had no idea what to do! I thought someone was hurting you!" She stopped speaking, her sobs overcoming her.

"Shh, Bella, I'm okay love. I just had a nightmare," I tried to comfort her. But my voice was still shaky and breathless from my nightmare. "I'm sorry I scared you." She was still breathing heavily.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice still watery.

"I'm fine," I assured her. "It was just a nightmare."

"Just a nightmare," she echoed. "Right."

"I'm sorry to scare you. Go back to sleep love," I murmured.

"I'll try. I love you." She still sounded shaken and I felt instantly guilty for scaring her so badly.

"I love you too," I mumbled. I hummed her lullaby until I was sure she was asleep. And only then did I let myself sink back into dreamland, the nightmares staying away.

_A/N: Okay not the best end of the chapter and it's kind of short but whatever. Keep on reviewing, I love them!_


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Bella's POV

No matter what Edward said, he would never, could never, be my first. That awful man would always take that spot, taking something from me that I can never get back. No matter what Edward, or anyone else says.

I felt horribly guilty for snapping at him. I just…know he's wrong. He's only trying to make me feel better, but he's wrong. And I don't want pity or sympathy. I just want everything to go back to the way it was. Before.

And of course, silly me, I decide to not make up with Edward before bed. So when the nightmares came…he wasn't there to chase them away. At least he answered when I called. I don't know what I would've done if he hadn't answered. Probably gone to his house and rang the doorbell. I'm sure Esme and Carlisle would love that. Not.

I groaned, leaning back against my headboard. I had hung up with Edward to "get ready for school" a half an hour ago. But I couldn't get up just yet.

I knew school was going to be awful. Pretty much everyone knew what happened to me, thanks to the Amber Alert and the police all around the city. And I knew I was going to see everyone making the same face. A mixture of pity and sympathy, of curiosity in their eyes. Everyone wanted to know the full story. I may be kind of out of it, but I'm not blind.

I could see the way Edward clung to my every word when I talked to Rhonda, hoping I would give something away. The way Renee would always try and get me to open up to her. I even saw burning curiosity in Alice's eyes. It frustrated me to no end. I am not a show and this isn't some devious plot twist. This is my life.

"Bella honey," Renee's soft, gentle voice called from the hallway. I hated that voice too. Guarded, cautious, too gentle. Slightly higher pitched then her regular voice, as if the a high voice would make me feel better. Always worrying if I was going to crack. I didn't want my mother to use that voice. I just wanted her to talk to me like I was normal. Not like I was some emotional basket case, ready to explode at any moment. She knocked quietly. "It's time to get ready." I didn't bother answering her. She was going to come in either way.

And I was right. She cracked the door open, peeking in to see me sitting upright in bed, wide awake. She half smiled. But it wasn't a real smile. It was fake, forced, somewhat relieved to see I had lived another night.

"I'm up," I stated the obvious.

"I can see that," she said, still using her soft voice. "Do you need help picking out an outfit?" she asked. I rolled my eyes. I just wanted that voice to go away. I didn't meet her eye. I didn't want to see the pain I was constantly causing her.

"No. I've got it. And Alice could always help me," I said quietly. I bit my lip and looked at my feet, avoiding Renee's gaze.

"Okay. Well I made you breakfast. Pancakes. So come down whenever you're ready," she said in the voice. She turned to leave.

"Wait," I said. She turned back, her face eager and joyous.

"What is it?" she asked rapidly. It was a nice change from the voice, but it still wasn't normal.

"I…I want everything to go back to normal, Mom," I began softly, still not looking at her. She moved closer to me and I felt her weight on the edge of my bed. She reached forward to pat my hand but I slid it away wordlessly. She didn't say anything, but I know I had hurt her.

"I do too sweetie," she said, back to using the voice.

"And I normally go to the Cullen's and eat breakfast. And Alice helps me get ready," I stated. I heard her quick intake of breath, almost like a gasp, but it sounded more helpless. I bit back the tears in my eyes. Hurting Renee hurt me too.

"I think you should stay here Isabella," she said sternly, using my full name. I was so surprised; I actually looked at her eyes. There was pain and lots of it. But something else was overshadowing it, some sort of fury burning in her eyes.

"But Mom-" I began but she cut me off.

"Isabella you are much too dependent on Edward Cullen," she said sharply. Her voice was almost angry. Like it was my fault. "I don't want you spending so much time around him."

My jaw literally hit the floor and I just gaped at her for a minute. I didn't recognize what was bubbling up inside of me until it had reached a boiling point. Anger. Fury.

"No!" I yelled. She looked taken aback. "I love him Mom! And spending time without him would just make it worse!" I screeched. I jumped out of bed and took a few steps to my window. I could see the Cullen's house directly across from ours. Alice was in her room, directly across from mine. She saw me and waved. I pressed my hand against the cool glass, palm down. She seemed to understand. She gave me an encouraging smile before shutting her shades.

"Bella!" Renee burst. "I am forbidding you from seeing the Cullen's! Any of them! It's getting ridiculous! It's like-" Her voice broke off for a minute and she took a deep breath. "It's like you think they're your family. But they're not." Her voice was saturated with pain. I turned around to see my scatter-brained, childish mother with tears in her eyes. Her jaw was trembling and she looked like she might start sobbing at any moment.

"You can't make me stay away from them," I whispered. "They _are_ my family Mom. Maybe not by blood but I love them all enough to be family." She sobbed once before quickly stifling them again. I wanted so desperately to reach out to her, to touch her, to comfort her. But I couldn't. I had done enough to my poor mother, and still I couldn't bare the contact. I felt tears start to slide down my cheeks.

"They aren't your family Bella," Renee choked. "I'm your family. And Charlie. Not them." Her voice was shaky and tired.

"But Mom. I love them. I love Edward more than anything in the world. Alice is my best fried. Emmett is like my big brother. And Carlisle and Esme are wonderful too. But just because I love them, doesn't mean I don't love you just as much," I continued. I could feel my resolve weakening. I just wanted Renee to understand. I couldn't stay away from the Cullen's. But I couldn't make my mother so miserable either…

"Bella," she snapped. Her voice was angry and miserable. "I don't want you around them. You should love your parents more than your friends. Would you rather have Carlisle and Esme as your parents? Is that it?" she asked. I blanched. She was hitting below the belt.

"Of course not Mom. I love you and Dad and nothing is going to change that," I said weakly. She could see I was giving in and it gave her strength to continue.

"Then stay away from them. All of them. It's unhealthy Bella. I'm sorry," she concluded.

"I'm sorry too," I murmured. I took a deep breath and reached out, placing my hand in hers. I tried to fight back the memories and managed to keep them mostly at bay. I imagine there was a hideous grimace on my face at the struggle, but Renee didn't seem to notice. She was overjoyed.

"Oh Bella, I love you honey. This is what's best. You'll see that eventually," she promised. I doubt that, I thought to myself.

"Okay Mom," I whispered. She sniffled a few times, wiping at her eyes.

"I'm going to go finish breakfast. You can get dressed and meet me down there," she said. She smiled at me but I couldn't force myself to return it. She just bit her lip and left the room.

I couldn't believe it. I just agreed to stay away from the love of my life. My best friend. My whole life, basically. I didn't have anyone other then the Cullen's. Sure I had Jasper and Rosalie but I was sure that my mother including them with the Cullen's.

The way she said their name disgusted me. Like they were a contagious disease, and just saying it could sicken her. And what disgusted me most was that they used to be best friends. Esme and Renee and Carlisle. They used to get together all the time and talk and laugh. Esme helped Renee so much when Phil died. But she was giving that all up. Because of me.

But I couldn't find it in myself to be angry with Renee. She was doing what she thought was best, best for her, best for me. Maybe she thought, with Edward out of my life, I would open up to her. Without Alice to help me get dressed in the morning, maybe she could take that job. I let the tears stream silently down my face as I wallowed in my own misery. As I let what I was going to do sink in.

Eventually I was able to stand, grabbing a random pair of jeans and a tank top. I slid them on silently, tossing my hair into a ponytail. My eyes were flat and listless. My life seemed flat and listless.

"Come on Bella, I made plenty," Renee called cheerily from the kitchen. I shivered slightly at the cheer of her voice. The complete opposite of how I was feeling.

"Thanks Mom," I said flatly. Her face seemed to fall a bit at my unenthusiastic voice but she quickly recovered.

"No problem honey. Eat as much as you'd like," she encouraged, handing me a plate with three pancakes stacked on top of each other. I poured some syrup on them and cut them up. I only stomached about four bites before pushing the plate away and shaking my head. The Volvo beeped from outside and my stomach dropped.

"I thought you were-" Renee began but I cut her off.

"I haven't had a chance to tell them yet," I snapped. "Bye." I turned and ran from the door without a backwards glance. I wiped a few stray tears from my eyes before climbing into the Volvo. Edward was in the drivers seat, Alice in the back with Jasper. I swear, I almost started sobbing right there and then. I couldn't believe what I was going to do.

"Hello love," Edward murmured lightly. My heart broke at the sound of his voice.

"Hey," I said. My voice was hoarse and it sounded more like a croak. Edward looked alarmed and reached out to me. I took his hand gratefully, squeezing it with all of my might. Edward looked surprised at first but he didn't pull away.

"Bella," Alice said softly from the backseat. "What's wrong?"

"I'm fine," I told her, my voice flat, void of emotion.

"Bella. I saw you this morning. What happened? Why were you crying?" she persisted.

"Drop it Alice," Edward muttered to her. I threw him a grateful glance but quickly looked away. I knew the moment I looked into his emerald eyes, I would break down. I took a deep breath as we continued to school.

The whole car ride over, Alice kept throwing me worried glances. I saw her open her mouth at least four times to say something, but Edward always shushed her before she could get a word out. He knew I was feeling awful and that I didn't want to talk about it. Little did he know, he would find out soon enough.

I was grateful to finally reach school. At least now I only had a few classes with Edward. Maybe I could hold my composure for now. As soon as we pulled into the parking lot, curious eyes turned towards us. The whole lot seemed to go silent as Edward and I climbed out of the car. I tried not to meet anyone's eyes. I could practically feel the pity radiating off of them. And it made me want to hit something. I was so grateful when we were finally away from curious eyes.

"Bella," Edward whispered. He stopped and I turned to face him. But I couldn't look at his eyes. Instead, I focused on his mouth, watching as the shape contorted to form his words. "I know something's wrong. I want you to tell me, but you don't have to unless you can. Just promise me you'll tell me if it gets too serious…too much. Just let me know okay?" I nodded mutely.

"I love you Bella. Always remember that," he said gently. But it wasn't the same kind of gentleness Renee used, not the same as the voice. It was filled with love and tenderness.

"I love you t-too," I choked. I could feel tears welling in my eyes and I instantly jogged away from Edward, to class. I could hear him calling back to me, wanting to comfort me. But every time he spoke, it made me more depressed. Just the fact that I may never hear that perfect silky smooth, velvet voice ever again. It crushed me.

The day dragged. Whispers and stares followed me everywhere I went. I couldn't focus in any of my classes. All I could think about was the end of the day. And what I had to do.

Every time I thought of Edward, Alice or Emmett, of Esme or Carlisle, my heart felt like it had been punched. This pain was much worse then any man could inflict upon me. Even in the room with the darkness, the pain hadn't been so bad. Because my family was there. My Edward. My love.

But now I wouldn't even have him to help get me through the day. I would be completely and utterly alone. Always.

My lower lip was trembling as I made my way to the Volvo with Edward. I could tell he was worried. But he didn't say anything and I was grateful. It would be much easier to do this if I didn't hear his magical voice.

The car ride home was completely silent. Everyone seemed to pick up on the tense mood and no one knew what to say. Alice kept throwing my panicked glances, tears forming in her eyes before she rapidly wiped them away. she was worried. She probably knew something bad was going to happen. Alice could always pick up on those kinds of things.

I wished Edward would slow down as we made our way home. But he drove as quickly as ever and we reached our houses in no time. Alice climbed out first, with Jasper. She turned to go to the Hale's house, but something drew her back. She came over to me as I was climbing out of the car. Her eyes were filled with tears, which made my eyes start up at once.

"Just know we'll always love you Bella," she whispered. "No matter what." And to my surprise, she wrapped her tiny arms around me and hugged me. Everyone had refrained from physical contact for so long it was shocking. But it didn't hurt like I was expecting it to. Alice's arms were small and warm and strong. I just embraced her back.

"Bye Alice," I murmured.

"Goodbye Bella," she sighed. And I had a feeling she knew exactly how permanent that goodbye was. She walked with Jasper to their house. About halfway across the street her hands raised to her eyes and she shook her head. Jasper wrapped his arms around her and the two of them made their way into the Hale house. I finally turned to Edward. What I saw of his face was full of panic and sadness. I still couldn't look at his eyes.

"Edward," I said softly. I walked over to him and intertwined my fingers with his, pulling him closer to me. I kissed his lips gently, for the last time. I choked back a sob. But he still heard it.

"Bella," he said. His voice was pained, pleading.

"I'm sorry Edward. But I can't see you any more," I said quietly. My voice shook but was devoid of any other emotion. I couldn't let him see exactly how much this hurt me. "I can't see any of you. It's just too hard." My voice broke on the last word as I tried to gain control of myself.

"Bella," he whispered. His voice was full of pain and sadness. "Why? Is this because of what happened? Bella I don't care! I'll always love you, no matter what anyone else says or does!" His voice was fierce with passion by the end. He was making it so much harder to leave.

"I'm sorry Edward," I choked. "It's better this way."

"It can't be better if we aren't together Bella," he gasped. It sounded like he was hyperventilating slightly.

"I'm so sorry," I repeated. "Please. Just…stay away from me Edward." Each word felt like a stab in my already damaged heart. "Trust me. This is better for both of us."

"Bella," he whispered again. But his voice was defeated. Accepting. He knew I was serious. He knew there was nothing he could do. And I wanted, more than anything, for something to stop me, something to keep Edward and I together. But it was impossible.

"Goodbye," I whispered. I finally looked at his eyes.

I broke down in sobs when I saw them. They were so pained, so deeply hurt. Tears were leaking out of both of them. They weren't sparkling or smoldering. They were watery and weak. I had caused Edward so much pain. My Edward.

I knew I had to leave before I took it back. All I wanted was to take it back. But it was too late now. He placed his hand on my cheek, caressing it gently. One last chance, I thought. I closed my eyes, savoring it, committing it to memory. I could hear his deep, steady breaths, trying to calm him down. I hesitated for a split second.

And then I ran. I turned and ran back home, directly into my house, sobbing the whole way. Renee saw me and tried to follow but I slammed the door in her face. She realized what I had done. And that she was the last person I wanted to see. Even if I was doing it all for her.

I couldn't believe it. The one light in my life. Edward. He was gone. And not by accident, not in some inexplicable way. I had purposely switched off the light, immersing myself in the darkness I so desperately tried to avoid. Creating the numbness that took the pain away. But this time I had no light to save me, to call me back. I was on my own now.

_A/N: Okay I now this is totally depressing. But I am actually extremely proud of this chapter! I really had no idea what to do next in the chapter and this just came to me. I have a whole plotline now woo hoo! Review please!!_


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Edward's POV

I watched her run across the street with tears in her eyes. I knew tears were running down my cheeks but I couldn't feel them. I couldn't feel anything. I couldn't believe it.

Bella just broke up with me. The words seemed impossible, illogical. She couldn't see me anymore…it just didn't make sense. Just yesterday we had gone to therapy together and she had fiercely defended her love for me to Rhonda. Just this morning she told me she loved me. It just didn't fit.

Of course maybe this had something to do with the whole virginity thing. Maybe she was angrier about that then I thought. But she had called me that night, had wanted to hear my voice to comfort her. It didn't add up.

"Edward?" Alice's voice broke me out of my reverie. I realized I was still standing in the same position she had left me in. Tears running down my cheeks, one arm outstretched slightly, reaching after her. Alice came running towards me, tears cascading down her own cheeks. She threw herself into my arms and started sobbing. I wrapped my arms around her and patted her back comfortingly but I longed to hold someone else.

"Alice," I said softly. My voice cracked. She looked up at me, tears staining her cheeks. "She broke up with me."

"No!" Alice exclaimed. But she looked unsurprised.

"Yes. And she said…she can't see any of us. She said it would be too h-hard." Only at the very end did the shock turn into pain. Raw, piercing pain. It felt like a thousand knives were stabbing at my heart, all determined to break it into a million tiny pieces.

"No," Alice said again, but this time it was broken, defeated. "Poor Bella."

"Poor Bella?" I asked. "She wanted this." Alice shook her head.

"I saw her. This morning. She was fighting with Renee," Alice explained. I suddenly remembered Renee telling me to keep my distance from Bella a few nights ago. Telling me it would be better if I stayed away from her.

"You think Renee…?" I asked. She knew what I meant.

"I don't know. But I know Bella loves you Edward." My heart longed to believe it. But could it be true? "The way she looks at you, the way you were the only one she could bear to touch. That doesn't just go away."

"I don't know Alice. If she still loves me then why did she tell me to stay away?" I asked desperately.

"I don't know Edward," she said, shaking her head slightly. "I just don't know."

I didn't really know what to do with my time. Normally, I would just spend all of my free time with Bella. But that clearly wasn't the case any more.

I went upstairs to my room after my talk with Alice. I tried to distract myself with anything. So I picked up every single one of my remaining CD's, arranging them on the shelves in alphabetical order. But once I finished that, I couldn't figure anything else to do with myself.

It was only five o'clock; dinner wouldn't be ready for another hour. So I settled myself on my bed, turning my CD player on random. But when Bella's lullaby came on, from a CD of my own compositions, I had to turn it off. I tried to busy myself with reading, but the characters always reminded me of Bella. She was everywhere. She was everything.

So I decided on just sitting on my bed and staring at the ceiling, trying not to think. I'm not sure how long I sat like that, completely zoned out, not focusing on anything around me. There was suddenly a knock on my door and I jumped slightly in surprise.

"Come in," I croaked. The door opened a crack and Esme peeked in. When she saw me lying there, she walked inside, perching herself on the edge of my bed,

"I've been calling you for dinner for ten minutes," she said softly. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," I answered flatly.

"I…" she hesitated for a moment, biting her lip. I got slightly choked up right then, but tried to hide it. Bella always bit her lip when she was nervous. Esme stared at me for a moment, aware of my sudden sadness. "I saw you and Bella. What happened?" she asked in a whisper.

"She told me she didn't want to see me any more. And she wanted all of us to stay away," I confessed. My voice was full of pain and Esme's hand instantly jumped to her mouth, her eyes going wide in shock.

"Why?" she asked from behind her hand.

"I don't know. She said it would be easier," I said, my voice bitter.

"That doesn't make sense," she whispered, mostly to herself. She stared out of the window, her eyes narrowing slightly in confusion. "She loves you." Her voice was certain.

"Apparently not," I retorted, my voice cracking slightly. Esme reached over and held my hand in two of her own.

"Edward," she said, her voice full of subdued passion. "I love Bella like she's my own daughter. I've seen the way she looks at you. She is in love with you Edward. That much I'm sure of. And it didn't look like she was happy about breaking it off with you either." I thought back, remembering her pained expressions, her tears, her depressed voice.

"She probably felt bad," I said. Esme shook her head.

"Edward," she said, her tone firm. "She loves you. I know love and I know Bella loves you. And even if she didn't, why would she want to stay away from Alice too?" I thought about it for a minute. Even when we had been fighting when she first came here, she still hung out with Alice all the time, even if it meant seeing me.

"I don't know," I mumbled distractedly. I was still trying to figure this whole thing out. We were definitely much more in love now then we were when she first came, when we first fought. Maybe she thought it would be too hard for me.

"I think you should talk to her. Ask for a reason at least," Esme encouraged. I nodded.

"I will," I decided. I stood up. "Thanks Mom." I kissed her cheek and hurried downstairs.

"Where are you going?" Alice called as I ran downstairs.

"Bella's," I replied simply before running out of the door and across the street. I hesitated on her doorstep.

What if when I asked the reason she said it was because she didn't love me any more? Maybe she will even decide to see Alice as long as I stayed out of the way. Could this entire thing really be that Bella isn't in love with me anymore?

But it seemed impossible. She told me she loved me just this morning. I could see the intensity in her eyes, the honesty and the passion. That wasn't something you could fake. I finally decided to knock. I took a deep breath and lifted my hand to knock on the door. But all I hit was air.

Bella was standing in the doorway, holding the doorknob with one hand, as if preparing to slam it shut at any second. Her face was carefully composed but I could see her lower lip quivering like she was about to cry. I lowered my hand when I realized I was still holding it in a fist, positioned to knock.

"I thought I told you to stay away," she whispered. Her voice was flat, listless.

"I know but…" I paused for a moment. "I can understand if you don't love me anymore Bella. But I don't think that this should affect your friendship with Alice. I know she loves you and you guys are best friends." I shrugged, looking up at her. She was biting her lip and tears were welling up in her eyes. I wanted nothing more then to gather her up in my arms and wipe her tears away.

"No Edward," she choked, her voice shaking. "I can't see any of you. Or the Hale's. I'm sorry."

"But why Bella?" I asked. And then suddenly Renee was standing behind her. She placed a hand on Bella's shoulder and Bella flinched, but stood where she was. She cast a panicked look at her mother before turning back to me.

"I'm sorry," she repeated, ignoring my question. Her voice was full of pain. "I just can't."

"We're about to have dinner Edward," Renee said, her voice cold, her eyes narrowing. "If you'll excuse us." And with that she pulled Bella away. The look in Bella's eyes right before she turned away broke my heart. She looked so depressed, like she was in physical pain. Once she moved Renee slammed the door in my face.

I stood on the doorstep in complete shock for a full minute. And then I gathered my strength and jogged back across the street. I didn't realize I had tears in my eyes until I saw my reflection in the window. I swiped them away rapidly. Alice was waiting just inside the door and she grabbed my arm before I could run upstairs.

"What happened?" she demanded.

"I don't know," I said truthfully. Esme walked into the room and came to listen. I nodded, letting her know it was okay with me. "I told Bella she could still hang out with you even if she didn't love me. But she said she couldn't see any of us, not even the Hale's. And then Renee came and touched Bella's shoulder. Bella flinched but she didn't move away or anything. And then Renee told me they were having dinner and slammed the door in my face." Esme and Alice both had shocked expressions on their faces.

"That doesn't make any sense," Alice said, more to herself.

"Edward," Renee said slowly. I turned to look at her and she was squinting, deep in thought. "What did Renee say to you the other night? When you slept in their guestroom?" she asked, still speaking slowly.

"She said Bella was addicted to me. That I needed to keep my distance to make sure she spent more time with her friends and family," I said, trying to remember everything. "Because she thought I was going to hurt Bella, once we went off to college and stuff."

"I think…" Esme said hesitantly. She bit her lip again and I looked away. "I think…Renee might have influenced Bella's decision on this. That it's not entirely Bella's fault." My mind reeled.

Could that be true? Could Renee have convinced Bella to stay away from our family? But why would she do that?

"Why?" I asked.

"I don't know," Esme said, shaking her head. "You see how Bella is around her. Not nearly as…comfortable as she is around us. Maybe Renee is…jealous." I could tell Esme was uncomfortable talking about her friend.

"I just don't see how Renee could do that," Alice said quietly. "She must see that Bella is getting better when she spends more time with Edward." Esme shook her head again.

"Maybe she doesn't want Bella to get better because of Edward. She wants her to get better because of her. She wants to help Bella get through this. She is her mother after all," Esme said softly.

"You have to do something Mom!" I half yelled. "This is so unfair. Bella needs me." I need her, I added in my head.

"I'll call Renee and talk to her," she said. She walked into the kitchen and grabbed the phone off the hook, dialing quickly. She smiled when Renee answered.

"Hi Renee, it's Esme," she greeted. The smile quickly wiped off of her face and she looked at the phone in confusion. "I just wanted to talk to you about Bella and Edward." Her tone was defensive, cautious. "No I'm not trying to raise your child for you. I just think that it might be better for Bella if-" She stopped short, as if Renee had cut her off. "No. My only concern is Bella." Her voice was sharp. "Fine. Just know, this may hurt Bella more then it helps her." Then her jaw dropped. She hung up the phone and turned back to Alice and I.

"What?" I asked instantly

"She hung up on me," she said, her voice shocked.

"What did she say?" I hedged.

"She was very…cold. She told me to stop trying to raise her child. And that it's better for Bella if you stay away." My already broken heart broke again. She shook her head.

"She's crazy!" Alice burst.

"She's just upset Alice…she'll get over it eventually," Esme said, unable to speak nastily about her neighbors.

"Hopefully," Alice added.

"Hopefully," I agreed in a whisper.

_A/N: Okay so I know this is really sad. But I love happy endings, so look forward to that. Next chapter will be back in BPOV. REVIEW!!_


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Bella's POV

I sank onto my bed and let the sadness overtake me. I was sobbing. Harder then I ever had before. Harder then when Phil died, when Jacob cheated on me. Even harder then when I got raped. The pain and aloneness I felt now was a hundred times worse then any pain I had ever felt. It was complete and utter torture.

I was alone. Sure I had Renee, I had Charlie. But the Cullen's were my family. Sweet, caring and motherly Esme. Kind, considerate Carlisle. Huge, joking and fun loving Emmett. Feisty, cheery, friendly Alice. And Edward. Loving, sweet, passionate. I missed him the most.

And then the Hale's too. I didn't know the parents too well but Jasper and Rosalie. Beautiful and kind Rosalie. Mellow and soothing Jasper. I missed them. All of them. It was like I was missing a part of myself- like half of my heart had been ripped out.

I stood and made my way over to my window, to just look at the house that held the people I loved. I could see Alice in her room, directly across from me. It broke my heart. She was frowning; something that Alice hardly ever did. And it looked like she had been crying. She was staring out the window, not looking towards me, but looking out in the distance, deep in thought.

I continued to watch her until she finally left the room, out of my sight. I desperately wanted her to come back, so I could watch her again. I knew it was slightly creepy, watching her like this. But I wanted to see what I was missing, see the people I loved so much, even if it was only from a distance. I stood at the window and kept watching for a few minutes.

And then suddenly _he_ ran across the street, headed straight for my doorstep. I jumped up without thinking and ran downstairs, not wanting Renee to answer the door. He hadn't knocked yet and I took a deep breath, carefully composing my face, before grabbing the doorknob and pulling it open.

He had one hand raised in a fist, like he was about to knock. His face was a mixture of surprise and pain. I just wanted to toss myself into his arms and kiss him all over. I don't even know how I held myself back.

"I thought I told you to stay away," I whispered, trying desperately to keep my voice even, to hide my emotions. I saw the pain flit through his eyes as I said this and I bit my lip, trying to hold back tears.

"I know but…" he paused for a moment, gathering his thoughts, looking down at his feet. His next words came out in a rush. "I can understand if you don't love me anymore Bella. But I don't think that this should affect your friendship with Alice. I know she loves you and you guys are best friends." My already worn heart broke again at his words. He thought I didn't love him. He truly believed I didn't love him. How very far from the truth he was. _I love you_ I wanted to yell, to kiss him fiercely. _I love you._ But I wouldn't cause Renee that pain, not again. Even if I was causing myself pain.

"No Edward," I choked, tears streaming down my face. He would get over me eventually, his pain would go away, I told myself. Renee will be happy and Edward will move on. Everyone will be happy. Except me. "I can't see any of you. Or the Hale's. I'm sorry." And I truly was sorry. So, so sorry to be causing him pain. An angel like him didn't deserve this pain and he deserved someone better then me.

"But why Bella?" he begged. His voice was desperate and pained and all I wanted to do was admit everything. Tell him that I was causing Renee too much pain. I opened my mouth, to say what, I don't know. But then Edward froze and I felt a hand on my shoulder. I flinched away from it, but tried to hold still, to please Renee. Her fingers burnt me like fire, bringing back memories I tried so desperately to avoid.

"We're about to have dinner, Edward," Renee said. I was shocked by how cold and harsh her voice was, how mean she was being. "If you'll excuse us." And she pulled me away, closing the door. I got one last glimpse of Edward's shocked eyes before the door was slammed shut. I quickly moved away from Renee's touch and she turned at me, hurt in her eyes.

"I thought you were going to stay away from him," she whispered, half angry half hurt. Why couldn't I do anything right? I wondered. I'm causing everyone pain. It's all my fault.

"I didn't know he was coming. He wanted to know why I couldn't see Alice," I explained, my voice hoarse from crying. Renee walked to the kitchen and I followed her, dropping into one of the kitchen chairs, trying to control the tears that flowed furiously down my face.

"I don't want any of them stopping by like that," Renee said, her voice hard.

"I know. I'm sorry." I seemed to be apologizing a lot lately. Renee just sighed before dropping some chicken onto my plate. I cut off a piece and ate it without tasting it. I wasn't hungry really. Suddenly, the phone rang, loud and shrill. Renee jumped up to answer it.

"Hello?" she answered, her voice polite and kind. And then suddenly her eyes narrowed. "Oh. Hello Esme." Her tone was suddenly cold and harsh, the same tone she used when she talked to Edward. I jumped up to try and listen but she waved me away. I sat back at the table and listened intently. "Are you trying to raise my child for me Esme? Because I am perfectly capable!" she snapped. My eyes widened. Esme was Renee's best friend practically. And Renee was being a total jerk to her!

"Mom," I whispered, my voice incredulous. She held up a finger to shush me before continuing with her phone conversation.

"If what? If she got back together with Edward? Do you even care about Bella? Do you only want your son to be happy even if it's not what's best for my daughter?" she half shouted hysterically into the phone. "Sure. You don't just want Edward to be happy," Renee said, her voice sarcastic. Esme said something back and Renee just slammed the phone back onto the receiver, her face livid. She sank back into a kitchen chair, her shoulders slumped, and began stabbing at her chicken with a fork. I was too scared to say anything. After a few minutes of silence, I couldn't take it anymore.

"Mom?" I said, my voice hardly a whisper. She looked up at me, her eyes going soft.

"Sorry honey. I was just frustrated," she said simply, trying to drop the subject.

"Why were you mean to Esme?" I asked. "You're friends." She bit her lip and looked at me, her eyes worried.

"I don't…like how she is tying to tell me what to do. It's my life, I should run it," she said. I wanted to tell her that's how I felt. I wanted to run my life. I wanted to see my friends, my love.

"Oh," I said instead, dropping my eyes back to my food. I had eaten a few bites of chicken. I pushed the plate away, looking at the clock. It was already 6:30 and I had therapy till seven.

"I'd better go," I said quietly. I stood up, grabbing my cell phone off of the table. I didn't know how I was going to get through this without Edward.

"Okay sweetie," Renee said instantly. "Do you want a ride?"

"No, no," I said too quickly. Pain flashed in her eyes. "I'll drive myself. But thank you."

"No problem dear," she responded. I didn't know what had gotten into her with all of the sudden pet names but I didn't really like it.

"Bye," I said, quickly darting out of the house and to the car. Once I got into the car I turned on the radio, the music reminding me of Edward. As I drove, I wondered what he would do if he was here right now. Probably hold my hand and sing along to all the songs I'd never heard of. I'd never know.

All too soon I was at Rhonda's office. I sat in the waiting room, crossing my legs, biting my lip nervously. Rhonda came out and I saw her eyes zero in on the empty chair next to me.

"Come on in Bella," she said kindly. "Will Edward be joining us tonight?"

"No," I answered quietly. She nodded and led me into the office. She sat in her desk and I sat across from her, curling myself up into a ball as I sat on the couch.

"Where is Edward, Bella?" Rhonda asked seriously.

"At his house I'm assuming," I said, my tone sarcastic. I didn't care if I was being rude. I didn't want to talk about this.

"Why didn't he come with you?" she asked. I just shrugged. "Are you two still together?" I shrugged once again but she must have seen the pain in my eyes and figured it out. She placed her clipboard onto her desk, leaning over slightly to peer at me from behind her glasses. It made me uncomfortable to have her staring so intently.

"Bella," she said slowly. "Will you tell me what happened?" She sounded like a concerned friend but I didn't trust her.

"No," I answered firmly.

"Why not?" she asked.

"Because." She sighed.

"Is there anything you would like to talk about?" she pressed.

"Nope," I said instantly. "Can I go?"

"No, you have until eight," Rhonda said calmly. "What's wrong Bella? You were much more open last time?" I just shrugged again.

"If you brought someone here would it make you feel better?" she asked again. I shook my head. "Not even a friend? Your mother?" I snorted out loud when she said my mother.

"Why wouldn't you want to bring your mother?" she asked instantly and I regretted laughing. But I would never open up in front of Renee, I would just hurt her more. I shrugged again and she sighed.

"I'd like you to call your mother. What's her name?" Rhonda asked softly.

"Renee," I answered. "And I'm not calling her."

"I would just like to chat with her," Rhonda said. "You won't even have to be in the room with me." I narrowed my eyes at her.

"Fine." I pulled out my cell phone and dialed Renee's number.

"Hello?" she answered.

"Mom it's me," I said. "My therapist wants you to come up."

"Why?"

"I don't know," I replied.

"Okay, I'll be there in ten minutes," she said eagerly. We quickly said our goodbyes and I hung up.

"She's coming," I told Rhonda.

"Last time you were here," Rhonda began in a voice that made it clear she had been thinking this during my conversation with Renee. "You told me how much you love Edward. I doubt that could change in a day."

"It didn't," I said, so quietly I was sure she couldn't hear me. But she did.

"So you do love him still?" she pressed. I nodded. "Then why aren't you two together?" I could hear the curiosity and confusion in her voice.

"I can't see Edward or my friends anymore," I informed her.

"How come?" she asked, her voice surprised.

"I just can't," I answered firmly, in a voice that dropped the subject. But apparently Rhonda didn't hear it.

"Why?" she hedged.

"Because," I snapped.

"You love him," she stated. I nodded, agreeing. "But you can't see him." I nodded again. "Did he break up with you?"

"No," I said, my voice saturated with pain.

"Did you break up with him?" she asked, her voice incredulous. She clearly wasn't understanding. I nodded. "Why?"

"Because I can't see him anymore!" I yelled. She looked taken aback slightly but she quickly regained composure.

"This doesn't sound like your decision," she noted.

"It wasn't," I whispered. And then her intercom buzzed.

"Mrs. Dwyer, here to see you," a scratchy voice said.

"That's my mom," I informed her, since she looked confused.

"You have different last names?" she asked.

"I kept my fathers name. she got remarried," I replied. She nodded.

"Tell her to come in," she said into the intercom. The door opened and I saw my mother walk nervously into the room.

"Hello, Mrs. Dwyer," Rhonda said.

"Renee," she corrected.

"Renee. I'm Rhonda Baker. You can call me Rhonda," she introduced. They shook hands.

"It's nice to meet you," Renee said sincerely. Rhonda nodded.

"Bella," she said casually to me. "Would you go into the waiting room for a moment? I'd like to talk to your mother."

"Sure," I said eagerly, anything to leave this room. I half ran from the room and dropped into the nearest chair, right by the door. I could hear Renee and Rhonda talking in the other room and I eavesdropped, even though I knew it was wrong.

"I'm worried about Bella," I heard Rhonda say. "What happened with her and Edward?" I could just imagine my mother stiffening at this, probably trying to figure out what to say. I briefly wondered if she would tell the truth.

"Bella was unhealthily obsessed with the Cullen and Hale families," Renee said, her voice cold and formal. "We both agreed that she should separate herself from them so she could heal properly." I snorted at this and the secretary looked at me oddly. But I couldn't help it. "We" didn't agree to this. Renee did. And it wasn't going to help me heal; it was going to make me worse. Even I knew that.

"I don't think that's the best idea," Rhonda said stiffly. "I could clearly see the…intensity of her love with Edward and his for her. She was much more open with him around and I felt that with his encouragement, she would actually open up to him or myself, heal quicker." I wanted Renee to change her mind so desperately it was like a physical aching.

"I don't agree," Renee snapped. "She was only opening to him. It was unhealthy. She couldn't be away from him for more then a few hours, if that. She was distancing herself from her family."

"But once she opened up to him," Rhonda said, her voice slightly desperate. She wanted Renee to understand this as much as I did. "Then she would feel more comfortable opening up to others. She would have eventually been able to spend more time away from him, but I doubt she would want to. They were clearly in love. She would have opened up to him eventually. Without him, she might never open up." It was true. I would never tell anyone what truly happened. I might have told Edward, but now I couldn't. And if I couldn't tell Edward then I wouldn't tell anyone.

"No! Bella and I have grown much closer and she will open up to me," Renee said. I rolled my eyes at this. I wasn't going to open up to anyone anytime soon, especially not Renee.

"I doubt that. She is very closed up right now, she doesn't want to talk to anyone. But she would have talked to Edward. I know it," Rhonda was saying.

"Well I'm not allowing her to see him. It's not happening," Renee said, cutting her off. "I'm sorry." I heard Rhonda heave a sigh.

"Okay. I can see our views are different on this. You may go. Tell Bella I'll see her next week," she said. I could hear her distaste for my mothers decisions in her voice.

"Goodbye," Renee said, spitting out the word. She came storming out of the office. "Come on Bella," she said to me. I stood and followed her, waving goodbye to Rhonda.

Any hope that I had allowed myself to feel went spilling out of me. Renee wasn't going to change her mind, that much was clear. She wouldn't listen to Esme, her best friend. She wouldn't listen to me, her own daughter. And she wouldn't listen to Rhonda, the professional.

I climbed into my car and Renee left in hers. I just cried into my hands, letting the broken hope crush me.

When was this going to end?

_A/N: Okay so now you see more of Renee's thoughts, some of her reasoning. I know she may seem like a total bitch, but she is doing what she thinks is best for Bella. REVIEW!!_


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

RENEE's POV

As I drove home from the therapist's office, still seething, my mind drifted to Bella, as usual.

I'm not an idiot. I can see how much she loves Edward, how close she is to Alice. I know what it's like to be in love. But I also know what it's like to lose love.

When Phil died it felt like my whole world had shattered around me. The only thing keeping me going was Bella. I knew she needed me so I tried to keep going, for her.

But I would always find myself alone. Bella would leave in the morning before school to go to the Cullen's and she would go to school with them. Then she would come home with them, and usually stay at their house for dinner, not coming home until she wanted to sleep. And I would be at home the whole time. Alone. Waiting.

She just kept getting further and further away from me, closer and closer to the Cullen's. I could tell she loved Esme and Carlisle like they were her own parents. But they're not. I am.

And then she gets kidnapped and raped. I was devastated and I could tell she was too. I thought that maybe this would bring us closer, that I could help her get through this. But all it did was distance us even more. She became closer and closer to Edward, cutting off all contact with everyone else. It was like she didn't even love me anymore. She just loved Edward.

It was unhealthy. I understand that what she went through was horrible. And he saved her; he found her in time and helped her stay alive. And I understand that would make her want to be around him more, to protect her.

I had a best friend when I was younger, Becky, and she was raped. She would constantly stay with her boyfriend, would never leave his side since she was so scared. She drove to school with him, ate lunch with him, sat through all of his sports practices just so she would never be away from him. She was completely and utterly in love with him and she thought if he left, the person who raped her would come back and kill her.

She would have panic attacks at night when he couldn't be with her. She was on countless anxiety pills and antidepressants. She would sneak out at night to be with him because she couldn't bear to be alone.

And he couldn't take it anymore. He stayed with her for a month or so after it happened. But he got tired of her constant need and her clinginess. He loved her, but she had changed and he couldn't deal with constantly having to take care of her. So he broke up with her.

She was crushed. He was her entire life. And now, to her, it seemed like her life was gone. So she felt no reason to live, no reason to exist.

Becky killed herself the day after he broke up with her. She took her whole bottle of antidepressants and overdosed. Her parents walked into her bedroom the next day to find her dead and they could never bring her back. She was gone forever, because the love of her life, the man she depended on the most, wouldn't have her.

I couldn't let that happen to Bella. Sure it seemed like Edward loved her now and I'm sure he does. But after a while he's going to do the same thing; he is going to get tired of being her caretaker and he is going to separate himself from her so he could get back to his regular life.

And I'm scared. I'm scared that Bella would do the same thing Becky did. That she would hurt herself or kill herself if he did that. And I couldn't lose Bella. I already lost Phil; Bella is all I have left. She is my everything, my reason for living.

A lot of people may think it's mean that I'm separating Bella from the boy she loves but I am just doing it to protect her. He says he won't hurt her now. He loves her and cares for her and he doesn't want to hurt her. But who's to say in a few weeks when he starts playing hockey again he won't get tired of Bella. She would want to be with him but he would have practices and games and wouldn't have much free time. And why would he want to spend his limited time with his needy, clingy girlfriend?

I had to protect Bella from that pain. She was depending on Edward too much, so much, that the pain of losing him could probably kill her. I couldn't lose her. She's my life now. Without her, I would be all alone.

She may be hurting now. I'm not blind and I'm not oblivious. I know she's hurting. But this is much healthier for her. If she distances herself from him now, it will save her pain later. And this way, she will know that he loved her until the end of their relationship. She wouldn't feel like she wasn't good enough for him or like she was a burden. She can get through this.

And when that therapist wanted Edward to come back! I couldn't tell her what happened with my old friend; I couldn't tell anyone. They would just try and convince me it's not the same thing. But it is. History would repeat itself.

And a small, selfish part of me also wanted my Bella back. My happy, loving, kind, bookworm Bella. I never saw her smile anymore or read, not even her favorites. She didn't bother with manners. She was hurting.

Bella was like an empty shell. Little things that used to make her happy, don't affect her anymore. Like when she used to dance around her room, singing and listening to the radio. I never even heard music coming from her room anymore. Just silence. Or sobs.

And a knew it was only a matter of time before Bella told me what happened. She was still scared right now, still in pain from the whole ordeal. But eventually, she would heal. And then she would tell me. And maybe, once she heals, she could go back to Edward. Because then it would be healthier. She wouldn't be so dependant on him and they would be able to have a healthy, loving relationship. Although they might have moved on by that time.

I just wanted my Bella healed. I wanted her to get better, to get over this whole thing. And I wanted to be the one to help her heal, to help her get better and get her life back to normal.

Bella was and is my best friend. I don't really relate well to other adults. But Bella always stood by me. And I was losing her to Edward. It was like losing my best friend all over again.

I wanted to tell Bella all of this of course. But she would just say she would never hurt herself. She would tell me she was fine so she could go back to Edward. But then, if he hurt her, she would feel the pain that I am trying so hard to keep her from. And poor Bella wouldn't know how to deal with that pain. And I don't want to lose her. I love her.

So I would keep her away from Edward.

And I know what you're thinking. Why keep her from the rest of them, from Alice and Rosalie? And the answer is because it would be too hard for her.

They are all friends with Edward. Alice is even his sister for goodness sake! Bella would have to see Edward everyday to hang out with her other friends. And I knew she would want to go back to him. And once they were back together, he would hurt her, I just know it.

So I distance her from all of them. A clean break. Sure, she'll see them in school sometimes, at neighborhood picnics and such. But they didn't need to mingle. Bella could stay safe by my side and she would get over this.

I will help Bella through this. She will heal and be normal again. She will be my Bella again.

Because if she's not the Bella I know how can I continue to be the Renee I am?

_A/N: Okay I know this is really short but I wanted to give everyone a peek into Renee's mind. Now you know why she's keeping Bella away from the Cullen's and Hale's. I bet now you don't hate her as much. She just doesn't see how truly Edward loves Bella. And happy 4th of July!! REVIEW!!_


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Bella's POV

When I got home, I saw Renee's car was already in the driveway. I pulled in next to her, sighing. I hope she didn't talk to me. I had spent at least thirty minutes crying outside of the therapist's office and I know she would want me to tell her why. But she needs to understand that I'm not going to tell anyone about this. Ever. It's my biggest sham, my biggest weakness. It's not something I'm going to parade around.

"Bella?" Renee called the moment I stepped through the door. I held back a groan.

"Yeah it's me," I replied.

"Bella can you come here for a second?" she said, her voice a forced calm. That was odd. So I wondered into the kitchen to see her sitting with a cup of coffee in her hands, looking tired and worn down. The phone was lying on the table next to her.

"What is it?" I asked.

"Come sit honey," she said, patting the chair next to her. I pulled it away from the table (while pulling it slightly further away from Renee) and sank into it.

"What is it?" I repeated.

"Well honey…I just got a phone call," she began slowly. Nerves started racking my stomach. Someone was hurt, dead. The man had escaped from jail.

"What was it?" I cried, panic creeping into my voice.

"It was the police," she said. I could feel my breath creeping towards hyperventilation. "They need you to come down to the station, just to pick the man out of a police line. Just so they're sure it's the right guy." I breathed a short-lived sigh of relief. At least he was in jail. But I couldn't see him!

"They pulled him from the house they know he's the right guy," I said, my voice shaking and slightly hysterical.

"I know honey but they just need confirmation. It's simply procedure," she said. She looked like she had been anticipating this reaction.

"I can't Mom," I whispered, my voice cracking. "I just can't."

"Please honey," she begged. "I know it hurts but he can't hurt you there. The police will be everywhere and he won't be able to see you. You will be perfectly safe."

"I…I guess," I mumbled. I didn't want to go. But I had to. I wanted this man dead for what he did to me. I wanted him in jail until he died. But seeing him would dreg up the memories I try so hard to suppress.

"That's good honey," Renee said. I jumped, startled. I had forgotten she was there. "We'll go tomorrow, right after school. Okay?" I nodded.

"I'm going to bed," I said. "Night."

"Good night Bella." I jumped up from the table and half ran upstairs into my bedroom.

I tossed myself into bed, wrapping the blankets around me and sobbed. I wished, more then anything, that Edward was here with me. I wished I could take him with me tomorrow. If he was there, I would be safe. The memories would stay away with the comfort of his touch.

But he couldn't be there and I knew it was going to be painful. Excruciatingly so. I would see the man…who did this to me. Who raped me, who beat me, who would've killed me without a second thought. I was going to be in the same room as him. Sure the police would be there so I know he couldn't touch me. But it didn't stop the fears. Fear wasn't rational.

"Edward," I whispered, my voice broken and pained. I didn't know what else to do. I couldn't see him, I couldn't speak with him. And now I would have to face a monster, my biggest fear. Alone. Completely alone. "Oh Edward."

I sat in my car, ten minutes before the first bell was due to ring. I parked as far away from the Volvo as I could. I was mentally preparing myself. I knew I was going to have to see Edward, Jasper and Alice during the day. They were in some of my classes. And I knew it was going to be painful. I wanted to tell them what I was doing this afternoon, but I couldn't. I wanted to toss myself into Edward's arms and beg for forgiveness, but I couldn't.

I looked at the clock and jumped. I only had three minutes to get to class. I hurried out of the car and to my first period history class. My heart broke when I saw Edward sitting in his usual seat. Normally, I would sit next to him. But instead, I chose a seat as far away from him as I could get. Throughout the entire lesson I couldn't focus on a word the teacher said. I could only focus on Edward. I was a few rows behind him, so I just stared at the back of his beautiful, bronze hair. When the bell rang, I went extra slow, waiting until Edward left before leaving myself. We had the next class together and I didn't want to have to walk with him.

Unfortunately, in second period, we had assigned seats and I was right next to Edward. I longed to touch him so badly. He was so close. Eventually, I just lay my head on the desk, trying to hide my tears.

Third period was the first time I saw Alice all day. She didn't avoid my gaze, like Edward did. Instead, she stared right at me, forcing me to meet her eye. Her face was sad, unsmiling. She wasn't bubbling excitedly. She looked sad, sorrowful. I just shook my head, moving my eyes to the floor to avoid looking at her. I heard her sigh loudly.

"I still love you Bella," she said gravely as I walked by her. Her beautiful pixie voice broke my heart. I didn't look up. I didn't make any sign that I heard her. Unless she noticed the sudden appearance of tears in my eyes. "And Edward does too. No matter what, we'll always be here for you." I was breathing heavily now, trying to fight the flow of tears.

She didn't seem to care that I didn't answer her; she seemed to expect it. The moment I sat on my desk, I laid my head down, making sure my hair covered my eyes. I let the tears fall freely. I knew anyone that saw me would know I was crying. My shoulders were shaking and everyone once in a while I would let out an involuntary sob. They didn't say anything though. They probably thought I was having some sort of break down because of the rape. Whatever. They can think what they want. It doesn't matter to me anymore.

Lunch was horrible. I sat by myself at a little booth, eating the sandwich I packed. I could see Jasper, Edward and Alice all sitting together at our usual booth. Their usual booth, I mean. I watched them with my heart aching. I missed them all so much. Even Jasper.

"Um, hi," a perky voice came from beside me. I turned, surprised, to see a girl I didn't recognize.

"Hi," I replied suspiciously. Didn't she know who I was? The girl who got raped and everyone avoids. They girl with the shameful secrets and emotional breakdowns. Why was she approaching me?

"I'm new here," she said. Well that clears that up. "And I was wondering if I could sit with you today." She was petite and blond, pretty, and looked to be about a year younger then me.

"Sure," I said flatly. Maybe some company would be nice. Especially someone who doesn't know my story, my pathetic background. She smiled and sank into the seat across from them.

"My name is Emily, Emily Young" she said.

"I'm Bella Swan," I replied. "Is this your first day?"

"Yeah. I'm a junior," she informed me. So I was right about the age at least.

"I'm a senior," I said.

"Can you…" she hesitated, biting her lip. "Tell me a bit about the people here. Like who I should avoid and stuff." She looked at me with hopeful eyes.

"Well the only people I think you should really avoid are those girls," I said, pointing to where Lauren and Liz were sitting. "They're total skanks. Complete obsessed with…" I paused, my throat constricting. "Edward Cullen." Emily nodded, oblivious.

"Is that the boy with the bronze hair?" she asked curiously. She peeked over her shoulder at where he was sitting with Alice and Jasper. I felt my heart tug, longing to change the subject. But I answered her anyways.

"Yeah," I said, my voice cracking. Emily noticed my pain. She turned back to me with a concerned expression on her face.

"I'm sorry," she said, and she sounded completely sincere. "Is he an ex?" I didn't really know how to answer that. I suppose he was, but I was still in love with him. And according to Alice he was still in love with me.

"I guess," I mumbled.

"Sorry. I'll drop it if you want," she said kindly.

"No it's okay. I just…we were really in love and it only ended recently," I explained. She nodded sympathetically.

"That sucks," she said. I nodded. You have no idea, I thought bitterly.

"I was best friends with his sister too," I said. I had no idea why I was telling this total stranger any of this. But I had to tell someone. "Her name is Alice. The one with the short, black hair." Emily peeked over her shoulder again, checking to see which one Alice was.

"Did she stop being friends with you when you and Edward broke up?" Emily guessed, completely incorrectly.

"No it's…more complicated then that," I said slowly. She seemed to be waiting for me to clarify, but the bell rang loudly.

"Oh man," she said, clearly annoyed. "Well I'll see you tomorrow then? Same spot?" she asked, leaving the choice up to me. But she seemed so kind and she genuinely cared about my problems.

"Sure. Bye Emily," I said, giving her an attempted smile.

"Bye Bella." I walked to fourth period with mixed emotions. I wouldn't see Alice or Edward. But I couldn't decide if that was good or bad. I was halfway to class when I saw him.

He was watching me, his eyes intense, smoldering. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't frowning either. His face was carefully composed. In the directions we were going, we were going to pass right by each other, shoulder to shoulder. I stared into his eyes for a second. The whole world seemed to freeze.

His carefully composed mask dissipated. His eyes burned with a fiery passion. His face was pained, saddened, pleading. Loving. I bit my lip, trying to hold back to sobs that were threatening to rack through my body. We were only a few feet apart now.

I quickly dropped my head, keeping my eyes on the floor. Tears were spilling down my cheeks. I lost count of how many times I'd cried in school today. I quickened my pace, trying to get by him faster. But suddenly I tripped and I was falling. I threw my hands out to meet the ground that never came.

I turned and saw Edward holding me up, a foot off the ground. His eyes were filled with concern, love.

"Be careful," he murmured, his voice seductive. And before my mind could catch up with my body, I was tossing my arms around him, kissing him passionately. I pressed my lips against his with a ferocity I couldn't even understand. I loved him so, so much. He was kissing me back with as much intensity, his arms wrapping around my waist, pulling me closer. I melted into him, so happy to be back in the arms of the one I love. But then my mind _did_ catch up with my actions.

"No!" I half yelled, breaking apart from him. He looked stunned, shocked. "No," I repeated, my voice weak, broken. "I c-c-can't. I'm s-sorry." Sobs were racking through my chest and I could hardly breath. I wrenched myself from his arms and started running towards the nearest girl's bathroom.

"Bella!" he called, but I was already gone. I slid into the bathroom, locking myself in one of the stalls. I sank onto the floor, tears streaming down my cheeks, sobs vibrating through my body. I heard someone come in but I couldn't even attempt to control myself.

"Bella?" the voice said curiously. "Is that you?" I recognized Emily's voice.

"Yeah," I whispered. She opened the stall door and sank down next to me, wrapping one arm around my shoulder. I didn't object; I just leaned into her. I needed comfort, I needed someone.

And suddenly the words came tumbling from my mouth before I could stop them.

"I was raped," I said. She gasped.

"Oh Bella I-" she began but I cut her off.

"Just let me say this," I pleaded. She nodded. "I was raped. And Edward Cullen, who was my boyfriend, saved me. He found me and brought me to the hospital. I was so close to death. I would've died if he hadn't come. And when I started to recover, I couldn't take people touching me. It hurt too much, it made me remember…things I didn't want to remember. But with Edward, it was okay. He would help me. His touch didn't hurt, it didn't bring back the memories. It fought them off, it kept them away. He kept me safe. So I started spending all of my time with him. He was my protector, the love of my life." I paused, taking a deep breath. Emily was watching with shocked absorption. I didn't bother telling her any of the rape details; I had decided long ago I would take those details with me to the grave.

"And my mother was hurting because I couldn't even touch her without flinching away. The Cullen's, Alice and Edward, they're like my family. And Renee was hurting because she thought I loved them more then her. She wanted me to stay away from them, all of my friends, the man I love. She thought I was too dependent. So I had to break up with him, sever ties with his family, because I was hurting my mom too much. And I did." Emily gasped. I realized this must sound like a soap opera to her. But her eyes weren't holding any judgment; just concern.

"But I love him so much. With him gone, my life feels empty and I don't feel safe. I'm scared. I miss him and I miss Alice and all of them. But I can't hurt my mother. I love her too much. I don't know what to do," I finished, whimpering pathetically.

"Oh Bella," Emily sighed, stroking my hair gently.

"But I can't tell Edward any of this. But I want to. So badly." Emily didn't say anything. She just continued to hold me.

Eventually we heard the bell ring and realized we had missed a whole class period.

"Go to class," I instructed. "It's not good to skip on your first day." She smiled weakly. I saw she had tears in her eyes too. But she tried to hide them from me.

"I'm sorry this happened to you Bella," she whispered, holding my hand in hers. "And I'm sorry your mother feels that way. I can't help you with this; it's your decision." I nodded. I knew that much at least.

"Thanks for listening Emily," I rasped.

"Anytime," she said with a weak smile. "Whenever you need to talk, I'm here," she promised.

"Thanks," I said again.

"Come on, you have to get to class too," she said firmly. She stood, pulling me up with her. She wet a few paper towels in the sink and gave them to me. I wiped my eyes and my face, trying to make myself look presentable.

"Let's go," she said, linking elbows with me.

The rest of the day went by quickly. Seeing Edward was hard. But he didn't mention our kiss or anything. Although I would often catch him watching me. Emily gave me her number in case I wanted to hang out, or just talk.

The one good thing about the school day was it made me forget about what was happening this afternoon.

I was on my way to the car. Renee was picking me up, we would get my car later. And when I stepped outside, what I saw sickened me.

It was Edward. But it wasn't just him. Liz had her arms wrapped around his neck and was whispering in his ear. Edward had his hands on her shoulders. I watched in horror as Liz leaned up and brought her lips to his.

I turned away then. I couldn't watch this anymore. I ran to Renee's car, sobs shaking through my body. This had to be at least the sixth time I've cried today. But this pain was the worst. By far, the worst. Edward had already moved on.

I climbed into Renee's car, holding back my sobs. She didn't say anything. She must have thought I was nervous about what we were about to do. I was grateful for that at least. I'm sure Renee would be so smug if I told her Edward already had another girl. And not just any girl. That awful, bitch Liz.

"Are you ready Bella?" Renee asked. I looked around, startled to see we had stopped moving. We were parked outside of the police station. I shuddered. Somewhere, in those walls, is the man who…horribly used and violated me. I nodded at Renee, climbing out of the car. The whole police station was creeping me out. Memories of the police flooding into the room where….it happened came back flooding back to me, even as I tried desperately to keep them at bay. More then once, I wished Edward was here. But of course, he wouldn't want to be here. Now that he was rid of his burden, he could go around with girls like Liz.

"Mrs. Dwyer, Ms. Swan," the police chief said kindly, shaking both of our hands. "If you'll come this way." We followed him down a long hallway. At the end of the hallway was a room. My breath caught in my throat. He was in there. I froze.

"Are you okay Ms. Swan?" the police chief asked. I nodded mutely, trying to force my legs to move. I was finally able to take the few steps into the room. And that's when I saw him.

He was standing against the back wall, next to one of those measuring things, behind a wall of thick glass. I knew it was one of those two-way mirrors, I knew he couldn't see me. But panic flooded through me anyways.

"Ms. Swan, can you tell me which of these men violated you?" the police chief asked. "Keep in mind, hair could've been changed, beards shaved or grown." I didn't really listen to him. I already knew who it was. Sure, there were five similar men around him. But there was only one face that haunted me in my nightmares, that caused waves of panic roll down to my stomach.

He had the same, short brown hair. The same goatee, but with more stubble around his cheeks. His eyes were cold, emotionless. They haunted my every moment.

I heard a scream, and was shocked to find that it was coming from me. I whirled around, not wanting to look at his face anymore.

"I'm sorry," I choked. "Sorry."

"It's okay. I know this is hard," the police chief said sympathetically. "Just point to him and you can leave." I turned back around. It took everything in me, but I raised my hand and pointed to him.

"The second on the left," I clarified. He jotted something onto a clipboard.

"Thank you Bella. Now we'd like to talk about the trial-" he began but I cut him off.

"What trial?" I asked, my eyes wide.

"The trial. For him. You will have to testify," he said. His tone questioned my sanity.

"No!" I shrieked. "I can't! I can't!"

"She hasn't told anyone the details yet," Renee said. "She's still sensitive about it."

"Well Bella it's up to you if you want to testify or not. But I can assure you, if you testify, he will be much more likely to get more jail time. If not…he could get only ten years, possibly less."

"No!" I yelled. "No he'll come back for me! I'll testify, I'll do it!" I promised, without thinking. I couldn't let him out in ten years. I couldn't let him out ever. He would find me and kill me like he promised.

"Okay. The court date is set exactly a month from today."

"I'll be there," I guaranteed. "Thank you."

It was only when I was walking out did what I just promised really hit me. I was going to have to tell everyone the details; Renee, random lawyers, the judge…I would even have to say it in front of the man!

What have I gotten myself into?

_A/N: Okay so I think this story will be over in like five more chapters or so? I'm not positive yet. And I also have no idea how these police things work, so I did my best with TV stuff. And my birthday is in 10 days!! I will be 15 on July 15th ) REVIEW!!_


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Edward's POV

I could hardly sleep. I knew the next day I would see Bella in school. It was inevitable. I had no idea how either of us would handle it.

We had really come to no decision on the whole Renee thing. We doubted she was actually forcing Bella to separate from us. It was most likely Bella's choice, with Renee persuading her.

I couldn't bear to think that maybe Bella didn't love me anymore. Maybe…she just didn't feel the same about me anymore. Maybe there was someone else.

I cast those thoughts away, rolling over, closing my eyes and praying for sleep. But when I did I had horrible nightmares.

Some were about the kidnap and rape. Those happened the most. But then there were others. Bella would walk over to me, tell me she hated me and never wanted to see me and then go off with another man. Those were painful.

"Edward?" Esme's soft voice lifted me from the light doze I had managed to sink into. I groaned. It was morning already.

"I'm up," I sighed.

"Okay. Breakfast will be ready in five," she said kindly. She knew how much I was hurting right now. I stood and pulled on a pair of jeans and a polo. I didn't bother with my hair; who was I trying to impress anyways?

When I got downstairs, Alice and Esme were sitting at the table. Carlisle was already at work. Alice had her elbows propped on the table and was leaning her face on her hands, looking glum. I knew she missed Bella almost as much as I did.

"Let's just go," I told her. I didn't feel much like eating. She nodded and followed me outside to the Volvo. We were leaving a little earlier then we normally would. But I was trying to…not avoid Bella exactly. Of course I wanted to see her and be with her every minute of every day. But I knew that wasn't what she wanted. So I was trying to make it easier for her, by avoiding her.

"Focus Edward," Alice snapped, bringing me back to reality.

"Sorry," I murmured unapologetically. I pulled swiftly out of the driveway, keeping my eyes on the road.

"At least try and talk to her Edward," Alice said suddenly, breaking into my reverie.

"What?" I asked impatiently.

"Talk to her. Tell her you don't care what Renee says, you love her and need her. Tell her-" I cut her off.

"No Alice. She asked me to stay away. I'll stay away if she wants me to. It's only fair." Alice sighed exasperatedly but we were already at the school so she didn't say anymore on it. I half ran from the car, going to class and sitting down in my usual seat. I wondered if Bella would sit next to me still or if she would move.

There were only a few minutes left until the bell and Bella was nowhere to be seen. I hoped she hadn't skipped because of me. But she rushed into the classroom a minute before the bell rang, slightly breathless. She looked so beautiful but her eyes were full of pain. I just wanted to wrap my arms around her and kiss her.

She took a seat as far away from me as possible, behind me. I frowned because I wouldn't be able to watch her like I wanted to. Admiring her from afar. How pathetic.

Class dragged. Normally, Bella and I would be passing notes, holding hands and making fun of the teacher. I felt oddly lonely. The bell rang and I instantly shifted my gaze to her face. She was going extra slow, packing up each book one by one. So I stuffed my books into my bad and hurried from the room. I knew she didn't want to see me, that's why she was taking so long. It hurt more then I can say.

The next class we had assigned seats. I wasn't sure how to feel. Bella was so close to me, within touching distance. When she sank into the desk next to me, she instantly dropped her head into her arms on the desk, covering her face with her hair. But not before I saw a tear run slowly down her cheek. I couldn't tear my eyes away from her. I wanted her to lift her head, to show me she was okay. But she wasn't okay and she never lifted her head.

I knew Bella's next class was with Alice and I was worried. I didn't want Alice to cause her anymore pain then I already had. When I saw Alice in the hall, I grabbed her arm, pulling her against the wall so we wouldn't be crushed by the flow of students parading down the halls.

"What?" she asked, whipping her arm from my grasp.

"Don't say anything to Bella," I growled. "She was crying all last period and I don't want her in anymore pain."

"I'm saying something Edward. She needs to know we'll always care for her," Alice said fiercely.

"Don't!" She just rolled her eyes and stomped away, probably crushing a few toes with her pointy heels.

We sat at our usual booth in lunch. But the seat next to me felt so empty without Bella. I could see her sitting across the cafeteria, by herself, eating a sandwich.

"She cried all third period too," Alice whispered to me. I tore my gaze away from Bella and focused on her face. "I told her we always would love her. Even you. She didn't say anything. She just cried." Alice sounded like she might burst into tears too.

"You can feel the pain radiating off of her," Jasper sighed.

"She's all alone," I breathed. Alice just shook her head, a few tears slipping down her face. Jasper wiped them away, holding her close to him. I longed to do the same to Bella.

I watched curiously as a little blond girl went and sat with Bella. The blond turned to look at us, trying to be subtle. I wondered what Bella was saying that caused this girl to look at us. I didn't recognize her; she might've been new.

When the lunch bell rang, I headed to class, not really paying attention to where I was going. I kept the pain I was constantly feeling hidden. But then I saw Bella and everyone else disappeared. She met my eye for the first time.

Her eyes were full of raw sadness, pain and longing. I knew the pain I had tried so carefully to hide was rushing back to my face. She bit her lip, probably trying not to cry. And then she lowered her head, rushing away from me, not meeting my eye.

I stopped short, just watching her go by me. She wasn't paying attention. And then, suddenly, she tripped. I acted on instinct, wrapping my arms around her waist and catching her carefully. She was about a foot of the ground and our faces were only inches apart.

"Be careful," I whispered. And before I could figure out what was happening she was kissing me.

Her kiss was so intense, so passionate and frustrated. It was like she was making up for all the kisses we'd missed. I kissed her back, wrapping my arms around her and crushing her against my body, desperate for more. Just as we were about to deepen the kiss, she pulled away.

"No!" she shouted. I was taken aback, surprised. Yes, I wanted to say. "No," she repeated. She sounded so sad. That one word was killing her. Tears were streaming down her face and she looked like she was having some sort of break down. "I can't. I'm s-s-sorry," she choked. She wrenched herself out of my arms and sprinted towards the nearest bathroom. I was frozen for a minute. I couldn't figure out what happened. But then I realized she was leaving me again.

"Bella!" I called out, but she was already in the bathroom. I could hear her sobs from where I was. The blond girl I saw earlier saw Bella go in and turned to me with wide eyes.

"What'd you do Edward!?" she demanded. I didn't bother asking how she knew my name.

"Just help her, please," I pleaded. She gave me a dirty look before turning and going into the bathroom. "Help her."

Bella was in fifth period. Her eyes were red and puffy but she looked okay. She didn't glance at me, she didn't talk to me. She just sat in her seat and stared straight at the board, not meeting my eyes. I watched her the whole class.

At the end of class, I hurried out, almost taking out a few people on my way. I was halfway to class when someone stopped me. It was the blond girl who had comforted Bella.

"Hey," she said. Her voice was much calmer then when I talked to her earlier. She was looking at me curiously, like she was seeing me for the first time. It made me uncomfortable. "My name is Emily. I know you don't know me but I've heard a lot about you. From Bella." I didn't know what to say.

"Is she okay?" I asked.

"No," Emily said. "She's in pain. She told me that she was raped and stuff. But there's something else you need to know. Her mother-" She stopped short, staring at something over my shoulder. "Shit. I'll tell you later." And she went off without another word. I turned to see Bella rounding the corner. That's probably why Emily stopped.

Curiosity raged inside of me. Her mother what? What had Bella told Emily that was so vital for me to know? I couldn't wait to know. Maybe, I could help Bella with whatever it was. Maybe I could get her back.

The end of the day couldn't come fast enough. I waited in the parking lot, keeping an eye out for Emily. I wanted to know what she had to tell me. It could be important. Or it could be a crushing disappointment. I quickly cast that thought from my head.

"So Edward." A voice broke through my search and I saw Liz standing in front of me, sticking out her chest. "I hear you're single now. Wanna change that?"

"No, thank you," I said stiffly.

"Oh come on," she pouted. Before I could stop her, she tossed her arms around my neck, leaning up and whispering in my ear. "You know you want it." I placed my hands on her shoulders, trying to push her away. And then suddenly her lips covered mine.

I was frozen in shock for a minute. But then I quickly regained composure, pushing her off of me.

"Please, just go Liz," I said, my voice desperate. I couldn't deal with this right now. She seemed shocked by my depressed voice and she instantly turned and strutted away, shaking her hips in an attempt at sexy. I just rolled my eyes. And then I recognized a now familiar head of blond curls storming off in the opposite direction. She looked pissed. But I hurried up to her anyways.

"Emily!" I yelled. She froze, turning to glare at me. She was a good foot shorter then me but I shrunk away from her gaze. "What were you going to tell me earlier?" I asked weakly.

"You sicken me," she spat. "Bella is so in love with you! This is ridiculous. And it doesn't matter anymore." She just shook her head before turning away. She got into a little pink sports car and drove off, not giving me a backwards glance.

I had no idea what I did. And I felt even more pain. I had allowed myself to hope. I had allowed Emily's words to give me hope. And now that hope was gone, crushed, defeated.

I was completely hopeless now.

_A/N: Okay I think 2 or 3 more chapters. I know this one is kind of short but I was kind of rushing through it. The next few will be better, promise. REVIEW!!_


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Bella's POV

_One month later…_

"You can do this Bella," Emily encouraged. Ever since the first day s**h**e came to our school, she had been my only friend. My closest friend. Of course she could never replace Alice; she could never come close. But I came to appreciate what we had. The pure friendship and the obvious care she had for me. She was truly a sweet friend.

"I hope so Em," I replied, my voice cracking. I was dressing in simple black pants and a white blouse. I was going to have the spotlight on me today and I didn't want to make myself any more noticeable. In fact, all I wanted to do was sink into the ground and disappear. Emily seemed to sense my distress. She laced her fingers through mine and squeezed them encourag**i**ngly. I gave her a half smile. She was trying.

I hadn't spoken to Edward since the day we kissed. Since the day I saw him with Liz. I realized it wasn't meant to be, I guess. Sure, I still loved him with all of my heart. I doubted that would ever change. But he moved on and I wanted him to be happy.

I had stopped watching him during classes. Stopped sobbing during school at the mere thought of my old love and friends. The comfort of my own home was a different story. I cried a lot at home. Every night, I cried myself to sleep. And every night I had nightmares. And I didn't have anyone to chase them away.

Whenever I cried I tried to cheer myself up with the memories. I had an amazing eight months with them. That's more then anyone can ask for or can deserve. I tried to focus on every memory, afraid that I would forget them if I didn't. Those few months of complete happiness would be nothing but a blip in my life, gone and soon forgotten. So I tried my hardest to remember every minute of my time with Edward, with Alice and everyone else. I never wanted to forget.

I felt awful for poor Emily. She was doing her best, trying to be there for me. She had only known me for a short time but she was doing everything in her power to make me happy. Or at least less depressed.

"Ready?" Renee asked, appearing in the doorway. My breath caught in my throat. I began trembling, nerves already racking my stomach. I knew what I was going to have to do. I hadn't talked about it with anyone except my lawyer, Katy. She was **k**ind, understanding. She seemed confident I would win the case, as long as I told my story.

_Flashback_

_I was in Rhonda's office. My sessions with Rhonda lately were more of a silent time. She would ask me questions, but I wouldn't answer. She knew I was broken beyond repair and she didn't know how to fix me. She pled with Renee to try and fix things with Edward, for me. But Renee refused._

_"Bella," Rhonda said. I looked up at her, startled. She had pretty much given up talking a few sessions ago. I didn't say anything, but I tilted my head in her direction slightly, letting her know I was listening. "The trial is a week from today."_

_Cold sweat flooded to my palms and I clutched the couch underneath me for support. I could feel my breathing increasing, like it always did when I thought about the trial._

_"And you're going to have to tell your story," she said, her voice kind and worrying. I know Rhonda truly did feel bad about not being able to help me. But we both knew what- or who- could help me, could he**a**l me. And we both knew that was unattainable. I had never told Rhonda out loud of course. But she had assumed correctly._

_"All of the details Bella," she continued, her voice pleading. "And it will be easier if you tell someone else first." I shook my head. The trial would be the one and only time I ever talked about the rape in detail. And I only would tell out of fear and desperation. Fear of the man who did this to me and my desperation to keep him locked up in jail for as long as possible._

_"Please Bella," she begged. "You don't understand. You won't be able to get through it. It might get too hard for you. Maybe if Edward-"_

_"Don't!" I shouted, my voice high pitched and alarming. Rhonda jumped from my sudden outburst. "He's not coming."_

_Rhonda sighed, realizing there was nothing she could do to change my mind._

_End flashback_

"Not really," I said truthfully. Her face fell slightly. Renee was disappointed, to say the least, to see I hadn't confided in her. "Let's just go." Emily wrapped her arms around me before heading outside. I had asked her to come with me. She was going to sit and watch for me. I felt slightly guilty because I so desperately wanted someone else in her place. But I could never have him and Emily is so kind and caring.

"You'll be fine Bella," Emily whispered, hugging me tightly. "No one can hurt you and I'll be right there the whole time."

"Thanks Em," I replied. I tried to hold back the tears that threatened to escape. I knew I would be crying a lot la**t**er.

"No problem honey," she said. She gave me a warm smile and climbed into her car. She was taking a separate car then Renee and I.

The car ride with Renee was tense and awkward. We really didn't talk much anymore, other then casualties at dinner or whatever. Ever since I had stopped being able to see the Cullen's I felt like Renee and I were drifting further and further apart. Probably the opposite effect she thought it would have on me. The ride was only two or three minutes long, we lived very close.

"How are you feeling Bella?" Renee asked, using the voice I hated, dripping with sympathy. Like shit, I wanted to shout at her.

"Eh," I said noncommittally. She sighed, clearly wishing she had gotten more of an answer out of me.

I started shivering, despite the afternoon heat, once we reached the courthouse. Emily was already parked and waiting, since she drove much faster than Renee. She came over to me and I latched my hand onto hers, squeezing it. I'm sure I was crushing her fingers but she didn't seem to mind. Renee led the way into the courtroom. There wasn't too many people there, some lawyers, police officers, and a few other random people. I sat in the very back, with Emily, not wanting to draw attention to myself. Our lawyer, Katy, came up to me, sitting down on next to Renee and leaning over to touch my shoulder affectionately.

"You'll do just fine Bella," she coached. "Just tell the truth. Don't think about him, or anyone else. Just pretend you're telling your best friend, someone you're comfortable with."

"Thanks Katy," I replied, my voice dry and hoarse. She patted my shoulder once more before standing and making her way to the front of the courtroom. The bailiff stood stock straight and important looking. He cleared his throat.

"All rise for Judge John Smith," he announced. Emily helped me to my feet and we all watched as the judge made his way in. He took his seat behind the judge's desk and everyone around sat too. I could clearly see the back of the mans head. He was handcuffed though and I was glad for that. I tried to keep my eyes away from him as the lawyers made their opening statements. I didn't really listen. I couldn't focus. I was beyond nervous; I was horrified, nauseous.

"I'd like to call Miss Isabella Swan to the stand please," Katy said. Emily squeezed my hand, her eyes wide. She looked nervous too. All eyes turned towards me as I stood and made my way to the front of the room at a snails pace. They had me put my hand on the bible.

"Do you swear to tell the whole truth and nothing but the truth so help you God?" the bailiff said importantl**y**.

"I do," I replied almost silently. I took my seat and stared at my hands, not able to look up.

"Full name?" Katy asked.

"Isabella Marie Swan," I answered.

"Isabella would you like to tell us the story of the day in question?" Katy asked. I nodded my head, taking a deep breath. My whole body was shaking and tears were already fighting in my eyes.

"I was walking home from school," I began. My voice was quiet but with the dead silence in the room, everyone could hear me. "I was about halfway when a red truck drove by me. It was going really slow and it kind of creeped me out. But it kept going and I relaxed." I didn't look up when I spoke. I was too afraid that I would meet his eye and be unable to continue.

"But when I turned the next corner, the truck was right there. Waiting. And a m-man was leaning against it," I said, stuttering a bit.

"Do you know what that man looks like Isabella?" Katy asked. I nodded. "Is he in this room?"

"Yes," I breathed.

"Can you point him out for me?" Katy asked. I raised my eyes, scoping out the room. Renee and Emily both had tears in their eyes, obviously noticing my struggle. Emily tried to give me an encouraging smile. My eyes scanned every face in the room. And then I met his.

They were filled with anger and threatening. He was glaring at me completely unrepentant. There was also some sadness because he knew he was going to jail. But he obviously didn't care that he had hurt me. Had violated me.

I slowly lifted my arm and pointed to him. The anger flared up again.

"Right there," I said. My voice was petrified, shaky.

"Please note the witness has pointed to the defendant," Katy said. "Go on Bella."

"Well…he said something to me about girls not walking alone. How bad things could h-happen to them. And I tried to run but he came after me. And then I tripped." I had an extremely hard time trying to control my voice now. But I had to continue. I had to keep this man off the streets; away from me and all other girls he could possibly hurt.

"He grabbed me, dragging me back towards the c-car. I tried to scream, but he covered my m-mouth with his hand." I was occasionally stuttering but at least I was able to keep going. "He said it would be easier if I didn't scream."

"He tossed me into the passenger seat of the car. I tried to open it, but the child locks were on and I couldn't get out. I tried screaming again. But he…he…he hit me." Tears were falling down my face now. I couldn't keep going. But I had to. I looked up again and was shocked to see Emily had disappeared. Why would she leave me? Tears came even faster. My only friend had abandoned me in my moment of weakness. It was probably too much for her, my biggest shame, my biggest weakness. She didn't want a friend with so many issues.

"Can you continue Bella?" Katy asked, her voice kind and sympathetic. I hadn't realized how long I was silent until she said that. I nodded.

"I'm not s-sure where we w-went. It was an apartment of s-some sorts. He p-pulled me inside, into a b-b-bedroom." I gulped down the lump in my throat, trying to continue, but my voice was just getting worse. "The r-room was d-dark and I r-realized what w-was g-going to h-happen. I started s-sobbing. I begged for s-s-someone to save me. But he s-said no one could s-save me." The sobs started to wrack through my body. I didn't want to cry in front of him. But when I looked up again, my eyes were drawn to his.

They were amused. He was amused at my sadness, at the obvious terror he brought to me. It sickened me. I found myself standing up.

"Excuse me. Sorry." I pushed my way into a back room. I had no idea where it went but I was glad that it was empty. I collapsed onto the floor, sobbing uncontrollably. I don't know how long I sat there alone. Maybe a minute. But I felt a body slide down next to me, arms wrapping around me

I turned and looked up at the person holding me. My jaw dropped as I took in the face I had least expected to see.

_A/N: Cliffy ) Although I'm sure most people can guess who it is. The next chapter will be in EPOV. Also, everyone vote in my poll, it's about what story I should write once I finish this one. And can you figure out my secret message Katy? REVIEW!!_


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

EMILY's POV

I watched as Bella struggled to tell her story in front of everyone. I knew this would be hard for her I just couldn't imagine it would be this hard. She was having such trouble already, and she hadn't even gotten to the worst part. I had no idea how to help her or comfort her no matter how badly I wanted to.

I know she's still in pain about the Cullen's. Every once in a while I see her watch them with obvious pain in her eyes. She's still in love with Edward. Alice will always be her true best friend. Sure, she loves me too, but I'm no Alice. I'm not mad about that either. I know that even if she makes up with them, she will stay friends with me. I helped her in her darkest time, when Alice couldn't (even if she wanted to.) That creates an unbreakable bond.

Bella hadn't had any more break downs since the first day I met her. At least, not in front of me. A lot of people wondered why I even bothered to be friends with her. Even on the first day I met her, she looked like she was in pain, I could tell the moment I looked at her.

But I felt like she needed me. She was all alone and hurt. I just wanted to comfort her, from the moment I saw her. So I became friends with her, hoping to help her with whatever she needed help with.

I hadn't talked to Edward since the day I saw him kiss Liz. I know Bella had seen it too. That's what hurt the most. That he kissed Liz, or let Liz kiss him or whatever, when Bella was in pain.

She told me that the only person she could count on was Edward but he had clearly moved on in his life. I hadn't seen him with Liz since that day but I figured he was just trying to hide it from Bella. But whenever I looked at him I could see the obvious care he had for Bella, the love and the longing. I just didn't know what to do.

I was going to tell him everything that first day. I still debated about it. Just telling him so Bella can be happy. But then I remember what happened with Liz and decided against it.

Sure, maybe I could tell him and he would come running back to Bella and be able to make her happy. But what if she still didn't accept him? What if she continued listening to Renee? If Edward truly did love her, then I would be hurting him. I didn't want to hurt him; I didn't want to hurt anyone.

I sighed, turning my attention back towards Bella. She looked terrified, staring at her hands and shaking. She kept stuttering and was clearly trying to hold back tears. I wished I could go up there and at least hold her hand.

"Can you point him out for me Bella?" Katy, the lawyer, asked. Bella lifted her head, turning to me and Renee. I tried to smile encouragingly, but the raging horror in her eyes made it hard for me to move my lips. She looked fully around the room, at everyone except him. And then finally her eyes met his and they widened in fear.

"Right there," she said, raising her arm and pointing to him, her eyes still as wide as saucers. Only then did it hit me. Bella was not going to be able to do this. Her voice was so scared, terrified in that one moment, that I just knew. She needed someone she trusted and cared for. Someone she would actually open up to, if she was given the chance. And as much as I hated to admit it, I knew exactly who that person was.

I jumped, running from the courtroom, ignoring Renee when she tried to ask where I was going. I knew where they lived. I prayed to God they would be home.

I hit ninety as I sped down the side roads. I hoped that Bella wouldn't look up and think I abandoned her. That was the last thing I wanted to do. I made it to their house in two minutes flat. I parked crookedly on the curb and jumped out, storming up to their door and pounding on it with my fist.

EDWARD's POV

My life had become tediously empty. I had no spark of light to keep me going from day to day. Bella used to be that spark; well she was more of a sun. She used to light up my life and keep me alive. The only thing that kept me from crumpling into a ball was the thought of my parents and what that would do to them.

I hadn't spoken to Bella since the day we kissed. She avoided me at all costs, never meeting my eye. I watched her almost everyday during class, during lunch. Her friend Emily would sometimes see me watching but she never spoke to me either. Not since that day when she said I sickened her.

I missed Bella with a ferocity I never thought was possible. I felt like I simply couldn't exist without her. Every day when I got home from school and have no recollection of anything that happened. All I could remember was Bella.

I still had nightmares almost every night. Most of them would be of Bella being hurt, or lost and I would be helpless, having to watch as she died before me. Or sometimes she would just say she didn't want me, didn't love me. And I would wake up terrified, sweat streaming down my forehead.

I reveled in the memories every single day. I remembered our first kiss, our first official date. I remembered when we went to junior prom and she had actually enjoyed herself, despite her clumsiness. I remembered her laughter, her beautiful smile, her chocolate eyes. Everything about her was beautiful. I missed her so terribly.

Everyone had stopped mentioning her. Sometimes though, I would see Alice staring out of her window, staring towards Bella's house, a look of pure loneliness on her face. Or I would see Esme in the kitchen, lost in thought, her face pained and I would know she was thinking of Bella.

It was all we could do not to get Emmett and Rosalie to break down Bella's door and force her back to us when they heard. Rosalie was sure Bella was just being stupid and noble and Emmett was sure she wouldn't be able to resist his charm and would come back immediately. But Esme was able to talk them out of it. Much to their disappointment, things stayed the way they were.

Everyone was at my house today. Alice, Jasper, Emmett, Rosalie and my parents were all sitting in the living room, watching pointless movies. I couldn't focus. I let my thoughts drift to Bella. Her brown hair flying wildly around her face as we drove in my Volvo with the windows open, just wasting gas, carefree and without a trouble in the world.

All of the sudden there was a loud pounding on the door. Everyone looked slightly annoyed and surprised and Alice jumped up to get it. I heard her open the door and then I heard someone's voice, a girl, breathless and urgent.

"I need to talk to Edward!" the voice commanded. I didn't recognize it, but it sounded vaguely familiar. I hoped Alice would just tell whoever it was to leave. "It's about Bella." Those three words were enough motivation to send me barreling into the front hall to see a frazzled, dressed up Emily, panting slightly at the door.

"What? What's wrong?" I demanded.

"Bella's court trial is today," she said in a rush. Her eyes were staring at me frantically, begging for understanding. Her court trial? I hadn't heard anything about it. Was Bella going to be able to do this? "She can't do it, she needs you Edward!" Well that answers that question. Alice was standing by the door, her eyes wide.

"Let's go," I said instantly. I didn't care that I hadn't spoken to Bella in a month. I didn't care that I was in jeans and a t-shirt, looking much to messy to be in a courtroom. I didn't care that she had told me to stay away. Bella needed me. And nothing was going to stop me now.

"I'm coming," Alice said instantly.

"So are we," Emmett said, gesturing to the family. "We all love Bella."

"Fine, but we need to go!" Emily said exasperatedly. She grabbed my arm and pulled me towards her car.

"Take someone else's car!" I yelled to Alice. She nodded and ran to grab the keys. By this point we were already in Emily's car, on the way back to the courthouse.

"So here's the deal," she said, her voice rushed. She was speeding, obviously wanting to get back to Bella as soon as she could. I wondered exactly how bad Bella was and hoped I could fix it. "That first day I came, when Bella broke down, she told me the whole story about you two. She told me about how whenever you touched her, you chased away the memories of the rape. She felt safe with you." Even through my worry and panic for Bella, I felt some pride at the fact. I was truly Bella's protector, her lover. Or at least I was. Would this change that? Could things go back to normal? I wouldn't allow myself to hope.

"Her mom was hurting because Bella was spending so much time with your family. She was hurting because Bella could touch you, but not her. Renee told Bella to stay away from you guys. She basically guilt tripped her into it." Her breathing was slightly heavy, as if this story was hurting her to tell. We were almost to the courthouse.

"But she missed you all so much. She loved you all and never wanted to stay away. She felt scared and empty without you in her life. She didn't want to hurt her mother but she wanted to be with you so badly." Her eyes suddenly narrowed, not breaking her concentration on the road.

"I was going to tell you all this a month ago," she said. I felt slightly angered. Why couldn't she have told me? Then Bella and I could be back together by now and Bella wouldn't be sitting in a courthouse, alone and scared. "But I saw you kissing Liz. And Bella saw it too. And I knew it would hurt her too much for me to tell you. But now I have to tell you because desperate times call for desperate measures."

"I never kissed Liz!" I exclaimed. How could I ever do that to Bella? I hated Liz and the way she treated Bella.

"It was that day Bella had a break down." And then it came rushing back to me. Liz had came up and tried to flirt with me. Ending with her pressing her lips to mine and me pushing her away.

"Shit! She was forcing herself upon me, I tried to push her away," I explained. "I love Bella I couldn't do that to her."

"I see that now." Emily's voice suddenly turned sympathetic. "I know you need her as much as she needs you." The courthouse was just around the next corner.

"Bella was having a really hard time telling her story in court. And I think if you're there, it will help her," she finished. "So go!" she commanded, pulling up in front of the court, smashing on the breaks. I jumped from the car and ran inside.

"Excuse me." It was Bella's voice. She sounded scared and upset. She was headed into a room in the back. "Sorry." She flung herself into the room, clearly trying not to break down in sobs. I ran toward her, not bothering to think much past "get to Bella." The bailiff came over and restrained me before I could get to her. I struggled from his grasp, trying to get to Bella. She needed me.

"Please," I said. "I can help her. Please."

"Let him go." I turned, shocked to see Renee standing up, forgetting my momentary struggle with the bailiff. "I'm Bella's mother. He'll be able to help her." She smiled weakly at me. I could tell she understood. She knew now that Bella needed me and loved me. She wasn't going to fight it anymore. "Let him go," she repeated calmly. The bailiff looked up at the judge, unsure.

"Please," I begged. He nodded once and I hurled myself into the other room. I opened the door quietly.

Bella was on the ground, leaning against the wall, her chest heaving with sobs. It broke my heart to see her like this. I sank onto the ground next to her, wrapping my arms around her. She looked up at me and her jaw dropped slightly.

"Don't worry Bella," I murmured. "I'm here now."

_A/N: So now you know who helped her ) Although a lot of you did guess it right. So I think there will be one or two more chapters, then an epilogue. Then I'll be writing a new story, which I have a poll on so go vote! REVIEW!!_


	17. Chapter 17

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

Bella's POV

"Don't worry Bella," he murmured. "I'm here."

I don't think I've ever been more grateful and elated to hear those words in my life. My sobbing increased but they were only half sad now. Half were tears of joy. I had Edward back. He was here, holding me, comforting me. I slid over, onto his lap and curled into his chest. He held me against him, kissing my hair and whispering sweet nothings into my ear. I forgot all about the people sitting out there, waiting for me to come tell my story. I forgot about the fact that Renee wanted me to stay away from the Cullen's and Edward is most definitely a Cullen. I forgot about our month apart. Right then and there, all I needed was Edward

"I love you so m-much," I whimpered. "I'm so s-sorry."

"I love you too Bella," he whispered, his voice emotional. He hugged me tighter to him. "Don't apologize. Emily told me everything. I know you only did it to make Renee happy." I smiled at his words. Emily was truly a great friend. And I was glad I wouldn't have to explain my reasoning to him.

"Edward I can't tell all those people," I said softly. "I just can't."

"You can Bella, you really can," he said encouragingly. "I love you. Just pretend you're talking to me. Look right at me, not at anyone else. Just tell me."

"I don't know if I can Edward," I whimpered again. I felt so weak, so vulnerable. And that _man_ was out there, smiling, amused at my pain.

"He won't ever hurt you again Bella," Edward said firmly, almost like he was reading my mind. "And I know you can do this. Everyone is here. Alice, Rose, Emmett, Jasper. Even Carlisle and Esme."

"They are?" I asked curiously.

"They all love you too Bella. They wanted to be here for you." He kissed my forehead. "I love you Bella."

"I love you too." I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my lips to his with as much passion and love as I could manage. My tongue slipped out, running along his lip, and he gladly opened his mouth, encouraging me to keep going. Eventually, I turned myself so I was straddling his hips, my fingers tangled in his hair. But he broke away, breathing heavily.

"That was for the last month," I explained, giving him a shy smile.

"Wow," he panted. "Are you ready to go back out there? Everyone is waiting."

"You'll stay?" I verified.

"Of course. I won't be able to sit with you but I'll be there," he promised.

"Thank you," I murmured, pressing my lips to his for one last, small, tender kiss. I stood up, climbing off of his lap, and pulled him up with me. He scooped me up in his arms, hugging me against his warm chest. I leaned into him, breathing in his marvelous scent.

"Let's go love," he sighed. I nodded into his chest, pulling away, but leaving my fingers linked with his. We made our way back into the courtroom and I was surprised to hear applause. Everyone in the small crowd was clapping for me and grinning. I half smiled back, but I was too nervous to fully appreciate their gesture.

"Are you feeling better now Bella?" Katy asked kindly.

"Yes. I can continue," I said confidently. I looked up at Edward and he nodded back, grinning my favorite lopsided grin. I squeezed his hand one last time and he squeezed back reassuringly. He turned and moved back into one of the rows. He sat next to Alice, who beamed at me. I could see his whole family there, all in various states of dress. Carlisle was in his doctor scrubs, Esme in a normal outfit. Alice was still in her pajamas and Jasper was in shorts and a t-shirt. None of them were dressed for court but it didn't matter. They were there.

"Isabella would you kindly make your way back to the stand?" the judge asked politely. I nodded, sliding back into the now familiar seat. I let my eyes flicker to my family. Renee was half smiling. But her eyes were understanding; she was going to let me stay with Edward. Emily was grinning, pleased with herself for having brought me comfort. She's so sweet.

Alice was tense now, probably anticipating my story. Jasper and Emmett were staring at the man threateningly. Carlisle and Esme were holding each other, smiling at Edward and I. Rosalie was leaning against the back wall, tears already in her eyes. She knew this was going to be hard for me. But she smiled sympathetically when we locked eyes. I finally looked at Edward, leaving my eyes on his serious face before continuing my story. I never looked away once.

"So he took you to a room and what happened next?" Katy prompted.

"He came over and…touched my face, my cheek." Edward's eyes tensed and I could see his hands ball into fists. This isn't even the worst, I thought pathetically. "He said I was pretty. He moved his hands up to my hair and I flinched away. I didn't like it when he touched me. But…but he pulled my hair and told me that I had to like it…when he t-touched me. He asked me my name and I told him Bella. He said my name was pretty and my clothes were…flattering." I winced. I was feeling nauseated, remembering his sickening words.

"And then my cell phone rang. It was Edward." Edward's eyes widened at this. He probably had no idea I knew he called.

"Who is Edward?" Katy asked. Of course, she knew, but the jury didn't.

"He was- is- my boyfriend. He had a meeting after school and we were supposed to meet up at my house. He called to find out where I was," I explained, keeping my eyes on him the whole time.

"Is Edward here today?" she asked.

"Yes. He's right there." My voice was oddly triumphant as I pointed out Edward. Everyone turned to look at him and he seemed shy at being in the spotlight. He shifted uncomfortably until everyone turned back to me.

"Thank you. Go on, please," Katy said. I could tell she was thinking about something deeply, concentrating. But she focused on me again, once I started talking.

"He…he grabbed the phone. He said it was Edward and asked me if Edward was my boyfriend. I didn't answer and…he hit me." Edward's hands balled into fists again. "He asked if Edward was my boyfriend again and I just nodded. It rang again, and then a third time. But the third time it was a text."

"It said to call him that he was nervous since I wasn't home. The man read it out loud. At the end he said he loved me. And I said I loved him too, out loud." Edward's eyes were so pained and I could tell he was holding back tears. "The man said…I could…pretend he was Edward. Maybe I would en-enjoy it. He said it was a pity that I would never s-see Edward again. He said maybe Edward had a connection to my mind but that we wouldn't be able to t-test it cause my mind wouldn't be working m-much longer."

With every word I spoke, a vivid mental image flashed in my mind. I could clearly see the blackness of the room, the man's body, his mouth mocking me. I was shivering but I managed to keep my voice mostly steady.

"So he threatened to kill you?" Katy asked.

"Yes."

"Objection your honor," the man's lawyer said. I felt a surge of hate for that lawyer. How could he defend someone so heinous? "He never actually threatened to kill her."

"Objection overruled. Just because he didn't say 'I'm going to kill you' doesn't mean he wasn't threatening her life. Continue." The judge sounded angry and I could tell she was sympathetic to me.

"Continue Bella," Katy said gently.

"I b-begged him to let me say goodbye." Tears were flowing down both mine and Edward's cheeks. I could tell the rest of my family was crying too, but I didn't bother to look. "He hit me again. Then he said that he wouldn't let me say goodbye. He said it was more fun for him when he knew he was h-hurting others." I shuddered at the memory. He enjoyed my pain, Edward's pain.

"He…climbed onto the bed then. Next to me. He rolled over on top of me. I tried to push him away but…he grabbed my wrists and pinned them above my head, hitting my stomach. His legs were holding m-mine d-down." I could feel the sobs threatening to overtake me. But Edward's eyes gave me the courage to continue.

"He moved on arm to try and…unbutton my d-dress." I could feel my breath quickening as I remembered the way his grimy hands felt on my skin. Disgusting and wrong, all wrong. "I tried to push him away again…but he hit my head against the headboard. I could see the…the blood." Edward was literally shaking all over. I prayed that he would be able to control himself. I couldn't continue if he left the room, even if he just needed to gain control.

"My head hurt but I continued trying to fight. And then I heard a loud crack and my wrist was in terrible pain. It was broken. He held down my one working hand and…and he ripped open m-my d-dress. The buttons broke and f-flew all over the f-floor. I tried to cover myself but his…hands. And his mouth. Were all over me." I shuddered again, tears dripping down my face. I could tell even Katy, as practiced as she was, was holding back tears.

"He moved to take his clothes off then. I b-begged him to stop. But he just hit me again, and I was bleeding horribly. He…he sh-shoved himself in-in-inside of me." I stared at Edward's blazing eyes. He was hurting and upset because of this. But not because of me. I understand that now. He was never mad at me. He was mad at the man.

"It hurt so bad. I w-was a virgin and…it hurt," I whimpered. "I just held still until he finished. And then he got up and he was g-grinning. He left the room."

"Everything hurt so badly. My wrist, my head, my whole body was covered in bruises and bleeding. I…I could feel the pain start to slip away. And I knew I was dying." Several people gasped. "But I somehow managed to hold on. For my friends and my family."

"I'm not sure how much time passed. But I…said Edward's name. I just wanted someone to save me and he was all I could th-think about, at the time. But then the man came back in. He said Edward wasn't there and he didn't l-love me. And that he d-didn't save me or h-help me."

"But he was there." I almost smiled as I realized this. "He did save me. He came in and fought the man away from me."

"I don't remember much after that. Just that Edward was there and I was going to live. I was in lots of pain but I lived," I finally finished. I let out my breath in a long whoosh. I was done.

I was nervous. Everyone in my family knew, they knew my greatest shame, my greatest weakness. I anxiously looked up at them.

There was no judgment in there eyes. They all looked sad and sympathetic, loving and caring. And in Emmett, Jasper, Edward and even Carlisle's cases, pissed. But they didn't think I was weak. They thought I was brave for doing this. They cared, but they didn't judge.

"Thank you Bella," Katy said. "You may go sit down."

"Thank you," I mumbled, jumping off of the chair like it burned me. I quickly stumbled into the rows, right into Edward's lap. He held me as I sobbed. But I felt like a great weight was lifted off of my shoulders. I no longer had my shameful secret. Everyone that I loved and that loved me was helping me shoulder the weight, so much, that I could hardly feel it anymore.

"You're so strong Bella," Edward said passionately. "So brave. I love you."

"I love you t-too," I sobbed quietly. I pressed my lips to his and tucked my head into his chest, letting him hold me.

"The jury will now meet in the back room. the court will take a thirty minute recess," the judge announced. Edward scooped me up in his arms, bridal style, and carried me outside, with my family and his trailing behind us. We stopped outside and Edward lowered me gently to my feet but I left my arms around my neck, letting him support most of my weight. Our families surrounded us. Alice reached out and placed a warm hand on my shoulder. Esme hugged me briefly.

"You're so brave Bella," she said with feeling.

"Thanks Esme. It's good to have you back," I replied. She chuckled lightly and kissed my cheek before handing me over to Renee. And for the first time since the rape I actually embraced Renee, holding my mother as she held me. And I didn't mind the contact.

"I love you Bella," she sighed. "And I'm sorry. I should've seen that you and Edward were much more serious then Becky and…" She paused, pulling away awkwardly.

"What?" I asked. She sighed, defeated.

"My friend when I was younger…was raped. She depended on her boyfriend and when he dumped her she killed herself." I gasped. I never knew that about Renee. "I couldn't let that happen to you Bella! You're all I have left!" I wrapped my arms around her again.

"I would never do that Mom. Never," I promised. Even during the loneliest, most depressed time, I never considered suicide.

"I know that now. I'm sorry."

"I forgive you," I said simply. She handed me off to Alice, who hugged me.

"I missed you so much Bella!" she squealed. "We need to shop. Soon!" I laughed at my overly excited best friend.

"We will. And I won't even complain." She beamed at me and I giggled lightly. Emily hugged me too. Rose and Jasper and Emmett all gave me hugs, telling me how strong and brave I was. And I believed them too. This didn't make me weak. It made me strong.

"Court is back in session!" the judge announced. All of us made our way back into the court room, where the jury was standing, a representative in front, holding a small slip of paper.

"The voting was unanimous," he announced gravely. "We sentence John O'Riely to life in prison for rape and attempted murder." I let out a few sharp breaths and wrapped my arms around Edward. He was going to jail for life. He could never hurt me.

"You're safe now Bella," Edward whispered. "He can never hurt you."

And for the first time in a long time, I believed him.

_A/N: Okay I doubt there will be another chapter, just an epilogue. But maybe I'll surprise you ) Who knows. REVIEW!! And vote in my poll!_


	18. Chapter 18

Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight.**

_A/N: Warning! This chapter contains a lemon! It's not going to be really…raunchy, more romantic but if you don't like them then don't read it._

Bella's POV

Epilogue- six months later

"Edward where are you taking me?" I giggled. He had me blindfolded and was currently leading me God knows where. But I couldn't help my growing excitement. We had been planning this moment for a while

"You'll see. Now shush until we get there," he scolded. I giggled again.

In the sixth months that had passed, all traces of the rape were gone. My wrist was healed, along with my head and every cut and bruise was gone. Only a few scars remained. But I was healed emotionally too. Once I opened up I actually felt a lot better. I talked to Rhonda with Edward and even came to like her after a while. Edward was enthused by my progress.

I still remembered it of course. Every detail. But I hardly ever had nightmares about it anymore. And I never thought of it in my waking hours. The man was in jail for life, he would never touch me again. And I realized that Edward was right all along. Just because that man took my virginity didn't mean our first time couldn't be special.

Speaking of our first time, Alice, Rosalie and Emily had all taken me to Victoria's Secret and picked out an "outfit" for tonight. It was extremely skimpy and I felt very exposed wearing it and I was glad that I had all my clothes on over it. They were sure I would need it tonight.

After that day in court, Edward and I had become inseparable again (well except for when I was hanging out with Alice or Rose or Emily) and I wouldn't want it any other way. We hardly ever spent a minute apart. I loved him so much and he loved me just as much. I felt so lucky and cared for.

Renee and I had gotten much closer. I was able to talk to her now. We never really got into serious discussions, but we had talked a lot about her friend Becky. Now that I understood Renee's point of view more, I didn't feel as mad about my separation from Edward. At least we're together now.

Emily had joined our group without hesitation. Alice loved having another shopping buddy and Rosalie was so happy that Emily had helped me during my darkest time. Edward was grateful too, and had accepted Emily as a sister almost. Emily had also started dating Sam Uley- a shy, artsy boy in our school, tall and strong. They made such a cute couple and she was as happy as Jasper and Alice or Rosalie and Emmett. Or even me and Edward.

The month away from my friends hardly impacted us at all. The first day I spent with Alice she detailed pretty much every minute of our time apart. She told me how much she missed me and loved me. I responded with passion. I had missed them all so much. It felt like half of myself was missing.

I eventually told Edward about the darkness. He found it utterly fascinating.

_Flashback_

_"Bella?" Edward asked tentatively. We were lying on his bed, listening to music and kissing, a few days after the trial._

_"Hm?" I replied lazily._

_"What is…I mean if you want to tell me…what is the darkness?" His voice was almost a whisper. We both sat up, leaning against the headboard._

_"It was a big, light room at first," I began. "But the darkness came. And with it, the pain dulled. It felt so good for the pain to be gone. The darkness was closing in on me from every side and I could barely feel the pain. But then…" I hesitated. What if he thought I was crazy?_

_"You can tell me Bella," he assured me. "I won't judge you." I took a deep breath before continuing._

_"But just when the darkness was almost…complete, I heard voices."_

_"Voices?" Edward asked, his eyes wide._

_"Yeah. First yours. You were telling me to stay. I wanted to find you, but every step I took away from the darkness hurt so badly. Everyone was talking to me. Renee and Charlie and Alice and Jasper and Rose. You all wanted me to stay." Edward was completely enthralled in my story. His eyes were wide, his hands shaking slightly._

_"And you said 'I love you Bella' so clearly. And I gathered all the strength in my body and ran to you. It hurt Edward, like nothing I'd ever experienced. But I was with you. I was with my family and my friends. And the darkness was gone, the room filled with a bright light. I woke up a few minutes later." I finished my tale, peeking up at him. He still looked fascinated._

_"Thank you for staying with me," he murmured. I gasped._

_"That's what you said!" I accused._

_"What?" he asked curiously._

_"In…my dream or whatever it was. That's exactly what you said!" I was scared and fascinated and excited all at once._

_"Wow," Edward sighed._

_"Wow," I agreed softly._

_End flashback_

"Are we there yet?" I pouted. He chuckled.

"A few more minutes, I promise," he said happily. I distinctly heard the sound of elevator doors closing and we were rising. My stomach fluttered with anticipation. I heard another ding and Edward pulled me from the elevator. He led me a few steps and then paused. I heard a door open and he helped me inside. He shut the door.

"Ready?" he asked excitedly.

"Yes," I breathed excitedly. He reached behind me and untied the blindfold. I gasped at the sight before me.

We were in a penthouse hotel room. it was huge. There was a trail of blood red rose petals leading from the spot where I was standing. And candles lined the petals, making the path clear. Edward laced his fingers through mine as we followed the path through the kitchen (where Edward somehow managed to grab two glasses of champagne in one hand, without me noticing) and to the bedroom. There was a box of my favorite gourmet chocolates on the nightstand and bouquets of every flower imaginable littered the room. Red rose petals covered the bed and floor. The room was dim, with only a few candles lighting it.

"Oh Edward," I gasped. "It's perfect."

"You like it?" he asked happily. I nodded fervently. He handed me a glass of champagne and we both settled onto the bed. It was as soft as a feather, but firm and comfortable. I sat with my legs crossed, taking a sip of champagne. Edward grabbed the box of chocolates from the bedside and began feeding them to me. It was all so romantic and perfect.

I knew I was ready now. Edward and I had come close a few times, but I always had to stop. but this was so perfect, so romantic and sweet, it wasn't anything like the rape room. It was beautiful.

"Edward," I said gently. I placed my champagne glass on the nightstand and he followed suit, dropping the chocolates next to it. "I love you. This was so sweet."

"I wanted it to be special," he said sheepishly. I scooted myself a bit closer to him, placing my hand on the back of his head. I began kissing him gently, tenderly. He wrapped his arms around me and pulled me into him, kissing me back, just as soothingly and comfortingly.

After a few minutes of tenderly kissing him I deepened it. I opened my mouth and allowed his tongue access. Our tongues mashed together, wrestling for dominance. His mouth was delicious and unlike anything I had ever tasted before. He gently laid me on my back against the bed. His mouth left mine and instantly started trailing kisses down my jaw and neck.

**(Lemon starts here)**

I moaned lightly as he sucked my neck gently. He trailed his kisses down to the top of my breasts before making his way back up to my lips. I pulled him closer to me, deepening the kiss instantly. We kissed for a few minutes before I needed air and broke off. His hands were running up and down my sides, gently tickling my stomach. They hesitated at the bottom of my shirt and I nodded, letting him know to go on. He slowly pulled my shirt off, discarding it onto the floor.

His lips instantly went to work, kissing my stomach, sending tingles up and down my body. His hands gently massaged my breasts, caressing them lightly. I moaned my approval. He moved back up and reached to remove my bra, once again checking my expression for any doubts. He didn't find them so he unsnapped the lacy black and pink bra and tossed it to the floor. His lips engulfed my breast, gently sucking and nipping at it. I moaned.

After a few minutes he began kissing his way down again. But I stopped him for a moment. He looked up at me, lust and love in his eyes, but also some rejection hidden under the surface. But I wasn't rejecting him. I let him know that by instantly reaching for the buttons on his shirt with trembling fingers. When he realized what I was doing, he brought his lips back to my neck, kissing and sucking it gently. I managed to undo his whole shirt and pushed it off of his shoulders, revealing his perfect chest.

I rolled over on top of him, running my fingers over his sculpted muscles, feeling each one, each bump of his abs and raise of his chest. His breathing became slightly heavy as I started kissing his abs. But eventually he rolled us over again, so he was on top of me. His face told me that he obviously wanted to pleasure me before he let me do anything to him. This night was about me, about us.

He began kissing down my stomach again, his fingers sliding under the waistband of my jeans. He unbuttoned them and swiftly pulled them down, also dropping them on the floor. All I was left in way my lacy black underwear. I felt self-conscious but by the way Edward was eyeing my body, I could tell he approved. He started down at my calf, kissing his way up. And by the time he reached my center, I was breathing heavily and moaning.

He lightly kissed me through my underwear. I moaned at the touch. He pulled them down my legs and I kicked them off onto the floor. His tongue instantly went to work on my hot center. He had me moaning and gasping his name as he gently sucked my clit.

"Edward," I gasped as he gently inserted a finger inside of me. He pumped in and out softly, eventually adding another finger. I moaned, bucking my hips, my body shuddering as I came. I was breathing heavily, gasping for air when he finished. I instantly rolled over on top of him.

"My turn," I whispered. He grinned back. I slowly kissed my way down his perfect abs, loosening his belt on the way. I pulled his pants off of his legs and tossed them behind me, not really caring where they landed. I could clearly see his erect member through his boxers. I placed my hand on it gently, earning a moan from Edward. I removed my hand, fingering the waistband of his boxers, pulling them down slowly, trying to be teasing. I think it worked by the groan that Edward emitted.

I got them down to about his knees when he starting kicking them off. I giggled at his eagerness and he smiled shyly back. I slowly took his member in my hand, running my fingers up and down it slowly. He moaned again. I continued to pump my hand up and down at an excruciatingly slow pace. Edward thrust his hips to meet my pumps, moaning.

"Bella," he sighed. I bit my lip, embarrassed. After a few minutes of that, I kissed the tip of his head, earning a loud moan, before kissing my way back up his body and to his lips. He kissed me back passionately, rolling us over again so he was on top. I felt him position himself at my entrance and he looked at me, making sure I was okay.

"Please," was all I managed, a slight whimper from the sexual frustration I was feeling. He kissed my neck lovingly as he slowly pushed his way in. it didn't hurt to badly. It hurt a bit at first, but the slight pain was quickly replaced by extreme pleasure. He paused once he filled me, letting me adjust to his size. I bit my lip, nodding, encouraging him.

He slowly thrust in and out, causing us both to moan. After a few minutes I was raising my hips, meeting his every thrust. I could feel him panting against my skin, his breath hot and soothing.

"Edward," I moaned. I was close, my body shuddering in anticipation. My walls tightened around him as I came.

"Bella," he groaned, coming along with me. Once we were both finished, he pulled out of me, rolling onto his back, spent. I snuggled into his side.

**(End Lemon)**

It was amazing and perfect and everything I wanted my first time to be. It was absolutely nothing like when the man had touched me, when he had raped me. It was so much more tender and loving. It wasn't pure lust. It was love, true love.

"I love you so much Bella," Edward sighed contently, holding me against him.

"I love you too Edward." I was almost asleep, my eyes drooping shut as Edward held me peacefully. "Forever."

_A/N: All done!! I can't believe it's over! But I told you all it would end happily. And I hope my lemon was classy, I was trying to make it seem more lovey then lusty. I'll post an A/N when my new story comes out, which is going to be the movie star one. REVIEW!!_


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